Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Enter the Spartans are Greek Sodomizers Zone


Hello all, welcome to the Mediocre Athletics Factor for Tuesday, September 11. I’m your host, and I’m always in my seat 90 minutes before kickoff, especially for Pitt-Grambling. Well, Pitt had an easy time with the Grambling State Fightin’ Eddie Robinsons this past Saturday, notching a 34-10 victory. This score is significant because it is EXACTLY the score by which Notre Dame would lose to GSU. There is not much to take away from the victory, other than the loss of The Greasy Greek Gus Mustakas with an ACL tear. Now we here at the Factor aren’t saying Pitt is cursed, but EA Sports feels so bad, they won’t dare put an ex-Pitt player on the cover of Madden out of deference for Wlat Harris, their new game tester in training. But now is the time to put the two preseason games behind us and turn towards the season opener, and the Michigan State Spartans, the subject of this week’s Wlatting Points Memo.

This game is a rematch of last year’s 38-23 victory by the Spartans at sporadically packed Heinz Field. The Spartans, which is ancient greek for felchers, lost their starting QB and a potent wide receiver to the NFL draft this past April, though this shouldn’t affect their annual mid-season meltdown. We here at Panther Rants would of course like the meltdown to come a bit early this year, and the possibility does exist, as Sparty struggled to beat the Bowl Green Fightin’ John Wool’s last weekend. Second, While Michigan State lost the insufferable John L. Smith (seriously, who the hell uses their middle initial? Jm J Bullock?), they gained someone who was previously employed by Cincinnati. He might as well have come from St. Francis (NY). Wlatting Points appreciates that this is a road game for a young team in Pitt, under the leadership of a redshirt freshman QB in Kevan Smith. Wlatting points understands that Pitt hasn’t won a road game of consequence since 1981. Wlatting points concedes that this coaching staff hasn’t shown anything which would allow your esteemed commentators to predict a win, but you know what? Wlatting Points is damned sick of mediocrity. Wlatting Points is predicting a win, and those who don’t like it, can go root for Sparty, who has been struggling to “MAKE PLAYS” since Bubba Smith left East Lansing to team up with Steve Guttenberg and that guy who makes all those noises with his mouth.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is that a spritely Joe Poo on the scooter on the cover of Police Academy III?

NJ Tha Spartan said...

This week when Pitt Travels to East Lansing it should be an interesting matchup... A Spartan team with a good coach (Mike Dantonio) who focuses on running the ball down the heart of the defense, and defense with intensity and heart. On the other side you have Dave Wonsted, (However you spell his weird name)
A below average coach who struggles to keep his job, and has a terrible hair due. Pretty even matchup on paper, but on the field I think we all know MSU will destroy pitt.

MSU 34-21

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

You'll have to explain to me what a hair due is. Is that when you rent a wig for Halloween and you have to return it, thus it is due?

Anonymous said...

Yes it is Joe, great blog, you now have your 14th reader.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

I'll be sure to tell Joe you said congrats when I see him.

Dick Vermeil said...

It's all about winning!

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

I wouldn't disagree

Peter Cottonmouth said...

Not sure i can agree that Wanny, a former NFL coach of the year award winner, is a poor coach while Dantonio, who's claim to fame is an upset of Rutgers, a great coach.