Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Pitt-Notre Dame: A Half Assed Preview

Well it's time to look forward to this Saturday as the Panthers head to South Bend to face the Fighting Fat Charlie's. If only the whole team was fat. Maybe not the receivers. They'd squash Aaron Berry and Jovanni Chappel. Let's look at the tale of the tape.


Is 5-2 and no longer ranked. Bill Stull left last week's game in the 3rd quarter due to injury. Before he left, he was having one of the best games so far this season. Nothing has been official about his status for this Saturday. If he's not ready go, It's up to Pat Bostick.

Pitt's offensive line took a big hit when Rob Houser was lost for the season. This so reminds me of 2006 when Simonitis went down. CJ Davis will move to center and Dom Williams will take his place.

LeSean McCoy had a monster game and probably should have gotten the ball a lot more. Jonathan Baldwin and TJ Porter also put up some nice stats.

On defense, they had their worst game of the season. Enough said.

Notre Dame

They're 5-2 on the season, but 1-2 against teams .500 and over.

They're led by Jimmy Clausen who is putting up some big numbers in a few games this season. When he's on his game, he's dangerous to opposing defenses. When he's off his game, he's dangerous to his own team.

As for the running game, the carries seem to be split between Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, and James Aldridge. Their best rushing output was against Purdue when Armando Allen ran for 134 yards.

At receiver, they are led by Golden Tate. Michael Floyd is also a big targetat 6'2 and he's been getting some attention as well. They also have a big 6'6 Tight End in Kyle Rudolph.

Defensively, they've been up and down. Judging from the stats, they seem to have issues in stopping the running game.

Key Matchups

Pitt Passing Game vs. Notre Dame Defense: This all comes down to who takes the snaps for Pitt on Saturday. If it's Bill Stull, Pitt has a chance. If it's Pat Bostick, it's not going to look good. It depends if it's the Pat Bostick of last season. ND is big on defense. They play a 3-4 where they have a lot of height in the front seven. Pitt will need big plays from TJ Porter and Jonathan Baldwin. They may even consider getting Nate Byham and Dorin Dickerson involved.

ND Passing Game vs. Pitt Secondary: This matchup could make or break the game. If Pitt's secondary has a repeat performance from last week, it will be another long day. Jimmy Clausen is not the same player from last season. He's confident and will air the ball out. Aaron Berry will need to make up for last week's debacle and Pitt will need their safeties to attempt to cover somebody. If Jimmy is off his game, Pitt may be in luck. ND has receivers that can make plays. They'll have to keep that to a minimum.
Other Key Items

LeSean McCoy: Can he have another big game? He'll face a 3-4 defense with four linebackers coming after him. Pitt will need him the most.

ND Running Game: Mike Teel didn't have a breakout game until he met Pitt. Will ND break out against Pitt?

Pitt defense: Can they pressure Clausen? ND's big offensive line will be a challenge. If they can't touch Clausen, they're screwed.

Prediction: Last week, Pitt seemed focused on stopping the run. This game, they may be focused on stopping the pass. First off, can they recover from last week? It's no secret that Weis will attack Pitt's weaknesses like he did back in 2005. Look for ND to use screen passes again against Pitt. They'll most likely go after Pitt's safeties as well. Pitt's luck against ND has never been good.

Edited: Last week, I predicted a Pitt win..we lost. I predicted an Irish win today, we won. Hmmm....

Slap 10!

This past weekend in college football, we had a wealth of slaps make the list. There were so many, that we had to narrow the list down. Let's take a look at the list.....

10. Michigan

Michigan will make it's final appearance in the Slap 10. They're 2-6 and have no hope for a bowl game unless they pull off some sort of miracle. They''ll need to open the pocketbooks a lot more and get some more help from Big Ten officials. On defense, they need to run faster. On offense, Brandon Minor is their only saving grace. Congrats Michigan, this will be your final appearance in any top ten. Maybe Morgantown isn't so bad after all, Coach Rod.

9. Kansas

Great showing against Texas Tech. We had hopes of seeing a high scoring game, and it was. Texas Tech just scored all the points. No more hype for you guys. Mangino just ate another football player.

8. Kansas State

Bad weekend for Kansas teams in the Fat 12. 55 points allowed in one half. It's only against Oklahoma so giving up over 50 points could be worse if it was another team...hmm....

7. Kentucky

Five points against Florida. That's all your team scored.....just five lousy points. The Tim Tebow lovefest continues....

6. Auburn

Looks like the offense got "Rhoads Blocked" in the second half against WVU. The defense allowed all lanes of traffic to be opened. Pitt fans still can't figure who was responsible for the bad days the defense had...Wanny or Jumper? Noel Devine is "still running".

5. Terrelle Pryor

Not to pile up on a young true freshman, but......this isn't high school anymore. Navarro Bowman stole your lunch money....and any chance at a Big Ten title. At least, we won't get to see Ohio State choke in the BCS title game for the third year in a row.

4. Colorado

IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!!! IT'S THE BIG 12!!!! THIS AIN'T INTERMURALS! You guys looked like an intermural team on Saturday against Missouri. Beating WVU, makes the Big East look bad as every week passes. How did you do it?

3. Ty Willingham

2002 was supposedly Notre Dame's "Return to Glory". That was after that 9-0 start where they would lose out the rest of the season. There was talk Notre Dame was "unfair" to fire you. Maybe Notre Dame knew something we all didn't know. The Washington program has been set back a couple more years. Good Job. Syracuse may be calling.

2. Aaron Berry

Yes, we hate to pile it on you as well. We just saw Kenny Britt running around on I-81 while you're on the Turnpike trying to hitchhike a ride to catch up with him. That fumbled punt was the icing on the cake to a bad Saturday at Heinz Field. Good Luck against Jimmy Clausen.

1. Pitt

Pitt is the Billy Hoyle of the Big East. Billy Hoyle was the white guy off "White Men Can't Jump" who couldn't help himself to bitch something up every time he had some sort of good luck come his way. When I think of the Rutgers game, I think of the part where Billy had three chances to prove his buddy Sidney that he could dunk. He failed on all three attempts.

As for the loss, I'm reminded when Billy when home at night to his woman and he just mutters "It Happened Again.......".

Gloria represents the Pitt fan base. Just when when Pitt fans think you've come around, you do something to turn them away again. It happened with Bowling Green. Now it's Rutgers. You made Mike Teel into a Heisman candidate in one afternoon. 54 points to a team who hasn't done much offensively this season. The rest of the season doesn't get any better. Just make the trip to Toronto and be done with it.

Monday, October 27, 2008


LINK! provided to a great blog thrown up by Paul Zeise about the state of Pitt football.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mike Teel Just Threw Another Touchdown Pass

We have received word at 11pm that Mike Teel has just thrown another touchdown pass. Teel torched the Panthers today for six touchdown passes and he hasn't stopped since the game ended around 7pm. He has just been ushered out of Heinz Field and has been escorted to the team bus before any more Panther defenders get torched. They stopped at Elijah Fields.

No word from UPMC-Presbyterian of the condition of the Panthers secondary. We received reports of third-degree burns and burnt toast smell at Heinz Field. Aaron Berry seems to be the one most affected from being burned. It was so bad that he had difficulty fielding punts. Eric Thatcher is still having nightmares of Kenny Britt eating his lunch.

On a side note.....

It's looking to be 2006 all over again. 5-1, nationally ranked, playing in front of a nice crowd. Yep, Pitt did it again. They played with our hearts, and they lost the game. Once Pitt went ahead 7-0 and Rutgers burned them on playaction, just about everyone knew what we were about to experience. Most were in denial. It didn't really sink in until it was 21-7. Not to mention the fake field goal and then Rutgers scoring again.

Pitt offense played well until Bill Stull went down. Stull was having a good game as well as McCoy. They put up 34 points..maybe more if Stull doesn't leave the game. To add insult to injury, we lose our center for the season. It seems bad luck can't escape the Pitt Football Program.

Does Pitt recover for this? If not, we know this much:

This is Pitt Football. This is who we are. This is what we do.

Friday, October 24, 2008


Walt Harris: Welcome back to the Best Damn WLAT Show! We took some time off from the last show as I was in Key Largo.....

Rod Rutherford: How was Key Largo?

Walt: It was great. I got to see Bertie Higgins perform live and got to hang out with him back stage.

Rod: Real cool, coach. Did you party at all while you were down there?

Walt: Of course I did. There's nothing slowing me down.

Rod: Like waiting for Steve Pederson to give you a call?

Walt: Here...see for yourself........

Rod: You didn't.....

Walt: Of course I did. I told you there's nothing slowing me down. I love being unemployed. I get more time to what I've always wanted in life....

Rod: What's that?

Walt: Hang out and screw hot chicks.

Tyler Palko: So you like older chicks because as you get older, they stay the same age?

Walt: Tyler, I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you were back in class learning something.

Tyler: Well that, and for Kansas City to call me. If Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard can have a roster spot, I think I should too.

Walt: After what you did in Tampa, you and Larry Johnson could be good drinking pals.

Tyler: Coach, Larry abuses women.....

Rod: So you abuse men?

Tyler: No, opposing defenders.....

Rod: I think you need to get out of 2004. It's 2008.....

Tyler: Ask my's 2004. We just beat Notre Dame. I threw five touchdown passes! Everyone loves me! The fans want me back as a coach!

Walt: They wanted me back as the coach. So where's Kevan at today? He called and told me he couldn't make it.

Rod: Erie called him. He's up there looking for a roster spot.

Walt: So how was the show with me gone? Who did you have as a guest?

Rod: No one.....

Tyler: You're so full of it. Coach they had......


( Tyler runs off stage )

Walt: So what did you guys do when I was gone?

Rod: know...we hung out....talked football....

Walt: Sure....what did you talk about?

Rod: Pitt being 4-1.....looking ahead to the Navy Game. Stull is getting better. He's completing about three touchdown passes and four picks.

Walt: That sounds like a normal game for you like when we played WVU in 2003.

Rod: Yeah and we quit utilizing Larry Fitz because we had no one else to throw to. Wasn't Ray Kirkley our running back for that game?

Walt: That was too long ago.

Rod: Well you got some mail here. Dear Walt, when will you be coaching on Sundays?

Walt: I hardly believe that's a letter. I think you're playing a joke.

Rod: No, it's from Steve from Seneca.

Walt: Well Steve, I've been talking to Al Davis. That guy is so senile, he'll hire anyone. My other option is the Syracuse job since Greg Robinson will be having his own show soon.

Rod: Why Syracuse?

Walt: The Big East plays on Sundays too.....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pitt vs. Rutgers: A Half Assed Preview


They're 5-1 coming off a victory against the Midshipmen. Bill Stull is 5-1 as the starter which has really started to frighten most Pitt fans. He's showing improvement every week and he's even making use of the deep ball to Jonathan Baldwin.

LeSean McCoy and Larod Stephens have been tearing up opposing defenses as of late. Even Conredge Collins has joined the act. Derek Kinder is getting back to his old form and Oderick Turner is showing signs of life.

On defense, they getting pressure on the quarterback. They forced their share of turnovers against Navy last week.


Rutgers is 2-5 coming off an upset against Connecticut. Mike Teel has shown some improvement since the time he punched his teammate. Statistically, he's put up decent passing numbers the last three games. The only minus is the offense has issues getting into the endzone. Teel also hasn't thrown an interception the last three weeks.

Their running game is still a work in progress and Kenny Britt is starting to put up decent numbers receiving. How lucky Pitt will be to face them as this offense is improving.

On defense, they haven't allowed a lot points not counting the UNC debacle.

Key Matchups

Pitt defensive line vs. Rutgers offensive line: The reason why Mike Teel hasn't thrown an interception the last three games? He hasn't been sacked in any of those three games. When not being pressured, he's been able to move the ball. Rutgers is big up front, but Pitt will need to get to Teel and shut him down.

Pitt has also allowed a good bit of rushing yards. Ray Rice isn't there so they'll need to shut down Kordell Young and keep this offense off the field.

Last year, Teel did not have a good game against Pitt. Thanks to the one of many bad calls against Oderick Turner, Rutgers escaped with a win.

Pitt offensive line vs. Rutgers defensive line: Last year, Pitt didn't run the ball on the ground well. It may have been due to their issues at quarterback. Rutgers will most likely send the house on Bill Stull. It will be up to him not to make any mistakes. He made a huge one last game against Navy, but was able to recover. This defense is better than Navy's.

Pitt's line will need to establish the line of scrimmage. If Pitt can run the ball effectively, everything should take care of itself.

Other things to watch for:

Rutger's Receivers: Kenny Britt has been putting up decent numbers as of late. Pitt's secondary needs to shut him down.

Austin Ransom and Greg Williams: Pitt will need good performaces from both of these linebackers. Scott Mckillop can't do it alone.

LeSean McCoy: Can he continue on his hot streak?

Rutgers Linebackers: This group played in limiting Donald Brown's yardage. Can they do the same this weekend?

Overall: In 2006, Pitt was 6-1 with high hopes against Rutgers. Rutgers had one of their best seasons in a long time. Pitt was down 13-10 until Ray Rice torched them for big run pretty much ending Pitt's season. This time around is different. Rutgers has nothing to lose while Pitt has plenty to lose if they blow this game.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Big East Stock Market

Let's take a look at this week's stock market to see what are good stocks to buy/sell...or ones to stay away from.........

1. Pittsburgh

Their stock is getting higher and higher every week. They're 5-1 after sinking the Midshipmen and they are heading home to play Rutgers this Saturday. We all remember 2006 pretty well. Pitt was 6-1 and hosting Rutgers. After cutting the lead to 13-10, Ray Rice was "still running". Ray Rice is gone and so is the rest of that 2006 team.

The only worry is that Rutgers will most likely will stack the line where Pitt may rely on Bill Stull to move the ball. Stull has played well enough the last two games to avoid any abuse from this blog so we'll leave him alone.

Advice: If you have stock, keep it. It may keep going up if Pitt wins. If you're fearful of a 2006 repeat, sell it.

2. South Florida

South Florida is coming off a crushing win against Syracuse and they head to Louisville this Saturday. Their stock took a big hit against Pitt, but was a benefactor of a recent bailout against Syracuse. Stockholders can now feel good about themselves driving their expensive cars and filling up with the highest grade of gas.

Advice: Buy it. If you already have it, keep it.

3. West Virginia

The Hoopies play the Auburn Tigers this week. Both of these teams have one thing in common: They get no respect. The only difference is the Auburn fanbase has a lot more self-respect. Paul Rhodes is their defensive coordinator so we could see some more boos from the Mountaineer fans if they can't move the ball. Not to mention, Pat White is pretty fragile as of late.

Advice: Sell

4. Connecticut

Last week was every UConn stockholder's nightmare. A loss to Rutgers caused their stock to plummet big time. Their kicker got the Pat Mcafee syndrome and went on this miss three field goals. They're at home against Cincinnati who is still awaiting word on Ben Mauk's eligibility.

Advice: Their price has gone down. You can buy it for a bargain. If they win this Saturday, good for you. If not, trade it in for a value meal at Wendy's.

5. Cincinnati

They come off a win against Rutgers and head to Connecticut. They have their issues at quarterback. They head to Storrs where they'll hear a loud fanbase and "Welcome to the Jungle" blasting while they are in the huddle or about to snap the ball. They currently have more wins than the Bengals.

Advice: Sell it.

6. Louisville

They had another shootout with Middle Tennessee State and they get to host South Florida. Louisville's defense has more holes than Bonny and Clyde after a police chase. Their offense improves each week, but it could be the defense that holds them back.

Advice: Sell

7. Rutgers

If you were crazy enough to hold on to their stock, then you must have forgotten to take your meds. They play Pitt this Saturday and have won their last three meetings against them. Things haven't been good for Rutgers this season. They're off to a bad start and their stadium expansion plans are being revised.

Advice: Sell. It may buy you some club seats if the stadium ever expands.

8. Syracuse

The have a bye week. That's only good thing we can say about them right now.

Advice: Liquidation Sale on "The Express" DVD's are coming to a video store near you.

Monday, October 20, 2008

SLAP 10!

Another weekend of College Football has went by, and there weren't as many bitchups this time around. It was just the usual gang of slaps doing what they do best: Giving us all something to poke fun at or to complain about.

Before we start, we sadly announce the retirement of Clemson from the SLAP 10. Clemson bitched up so bad, Tommy Bowden offered his resignation. The only people that seem to be happy about it are the fans and their quarterback along with his daddy. I didn't know Anthony Morelli gained another year of eligibility.

So here's the honor roll for this week:

10. San Diego State

Look, we needed ten teams for this poll. After all, you had over 60 points racked on you. It's far cry from almost beating ND. Its a shame you didn't because they're still in the BCS hunt.

9. Washington State

We didn't know you guys still played football. Glad to see you're still around. It could be worse. Ty Willingham could be your coach.


I think Tulsa just scored another touchdown on you. Is Mike Price still hanging out at the strip clubs? I know he's gotta be loving it in Texas.

7. Buffalo

I guess we could put all those Turner Gill coaching rumors away.

6. Cal

I think it's best you avoid the Top 25 polls for while. Every time you're ranked, you seem to do something to get yourself kicked out of the polls. Enjoy being second to USC, UCLA will be passing you by in a year or two.

5. Boston Red Sox are our honorary non-football guest. Great season and great comeback. This fall hasn't been too kind for you. First, Tom Brady goes down. Now, you lose to the Devil Rays. I imagine Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are spooning in bed sobbing in tears. I can hardly wait for the Bill Simmons article where he compares this loss to some other Boston team choking with some pop culture references.

4. Michigan Teams in the FAT 10

Bad weekend for you guys. Let's recap:

-- Michigan State's battle with OSU lasted a little longer than Mike Tyson's opponents in the 80's. You guys were in it after the opening kickoff. I mean the Battle of San Jacinto lasted longer than this game. That battle lasted 18 minutes. After that, USA won the state of Texas. Just imagine if you'd made some plays. You could have had the Big Ten title....maybe. Somewhere, Mike Valenti had to be crying in the stands.

-- As for Michigan, DickRod has a 17-7 lead and basically drops eight back to let Penn State run the ball down the field to make it 17-14 lead into halftime. To make things better, you change quarterbacks. You must be begging for a buyout. I enjoy seeing you make that classic "DickRod Face" after every bitchup.

3. BYU

One Utah team down, another one left to go.......

2. UConn

Sounds like your kicker is suffering from the Mcafee Syndrome. Three missed field goals? Thanks for giving Rutgers a lot of confidence as they head to Heinz Field this Saturday.

1. SEC Officials

This South Carolina-LSU game reminded me of that part from the movie "Mr Mom". Michael Keaton has to attend a party for his wife's work that happens to be at her boss' mansion. They have a little obstacle race. During the race, the other contestants are tackling Michael Keaton so he won't win.

This is almost similar to that. There's a reason we shouldn't complain that the SEC doesn't play up North. This is one of them. Next thing you know, they'll have snipers in the stands.

Panther Rants presents The Truth....Rutgers

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Half-Assed Preview: Pitt vs. Navy

Last season, we saw the Panthers lose an absolute heartbreaker to Navy in overtime. It was a bad game on the defensive front. Navy tore the Pitt defense for over 300 yards in that game. It reminiscent in that scene from "Animal House" where Kevin Bacon is bent over being paddle saying "Thank You Sir! May I have another?!?". You know just writing that last sentence, I just got a horrible visual.

The game itself was a horrible visual on the defensive front. Navy moved the ball at will while the Pitt defense just sat back and took it. On offense, Pitt put up 45 points....and lost. So how will it look on Saturday.

Pitt comes off a bye week again. They haven't fared too well on bye weeks under the Wanny regime. They're 4-1 coming off a big win against tenth ranked South Florida.

Pitt's offense is powered by their running game. The running game has started to take hold in recent weeks and the offensive line is showing some promise. LeSean McCoy had a big game against Navy last year, and could be up for a repeat performace. Pat Bostick didn't have a bad game, but Bill Stull is now the quarterback.

Pitt's offense needs to repeat what they did last year: Score and score at will.

On defense, Pitt did a remarkable job of bitch-slapping Matt Grothe. This week, they'll face the dreaded triple option. This play did them in last year. This time around, the staff knows they'll need penetrate the Navy Offense and sink their battleship.


Navy is 4-2 with losses to Duke and Ball State. Their key win is the win over Wake Forest.

On offense, Navy is averaging over 300 yards rushing per game. They're led by a quarterback whom I will not spell out his name. They have a brusing running back in Erick Kettani.

On defense, they give up a lot of yards rushing and passing. One thing you can't do is make mistakes. If you do, their offense is back on the field making you pay for them.

Key Matchups

Navy Offense vs. Pitt Defense: Navy's offense had Pitt's number last time they met. Navy is small on the offensive line. Don't let that fool you. The type of offense they run, the linemen have to be smaller and mobile. This means you'll see the Pitt Dline move around a good bit. Expect to see Pitt use their depth on this line to keep their linemen fresh.

Navy can also sneak a pass or two so Pitt's secondary will have to stay alert and on top of their game.

Pitt's defense will have to torpedo their way through the Navy offense and keep the gains and possessions very minimal.

Pitt Passing Game vs. Navy Secondary: Navy made a fool of Riley Skinner when they played Wake Forest picking him off four times. Pitt can't afford to do the same thing. Stull is coming off his better games of the season. He needs to find his open receivers and not to force anything that could be costly. In other words, get screw up or we'll be on your ass in this blog next week.

Overall: On offense, Pitt needs to establish the run like they did last year. They need to keep scoring and not let the defense be so submissive like some skank in a bukakke film. In other words, don't let the Navy offense piss all over you. Let them dump their waste into the ocean instead. Bill Stull just needs to protect the ball and not make mistakes.

The coaching staff also can't afford punts from the 35. They've gotten better at that lately. Let's hope the program has learned a lot from last year's game.

Prediction: I'm not good at these. I'll predict Pitt 34 Navy 28.

The Big East Stock Market

Wall Street is having it's problems, but it did well as of Monday. So what if the Big East went on the market? What teams would be good to invest in? What teams to stay away from? Well let's take a no particular order......

1. Pittsburgh

Pros: Their stock plummeted after the loss to Bowling Green, but has made some significant gains since then. Their stock then rose significantly after the USF win, and could see more gains in the next two weeks. On the field, they're making progress every week. With the Big East on the down swing this year, a trip to Toronto is looking good.

Cons: They face Navy this Saturday and Rutgers the next week. Pitt has lost their last three to Rutgers and lost a heartbreaker to Navy in overtime last season. Navy is still Navy as always and Pitt will need to avoid losing to them this Saturday and take advantage of a Mike Teel led Rutgers team.

Advice: Pitt right now is a risky buy. They could go up or down in the next two weeks. If they go up, Pitt maybe 6-1 heading into South Bend.

2. South Florida

Pros: Their stock was high from start of the our eyes. It took a loss in the game against Pitt, but should recover this week as they play Syracuse.

Cons: None here, they play Syracuse

Advice: Buy it for now.

3. UConn

Pros: They're off to great start. The Big East crowns looks like it's theirs to lose. Good running game and well coached.

Cons: They have some issues at quarterback for right now. Their stock took a loss after the UNC game.

Advice: They got Rutgers this week. Buy it now.

4. West Virginia

Pros: The Mountaineers usually do well in Big East play. Their stock didn't rise much after the Syracuse win, but should see gains in the as conference play is into effect.

Cons: They took a major hit with losses to ECU and Colorado. They have Auburn in two weeks and we'll see which head coach can out-dumb each other the most. Pat White has had some difficulty staying healthy and Pat Mcafee can't kick a short field goal.

Advice: Stay away.

5. Louisville

Pros: They look better than last year.

Cons: Their stock has been up and down all season. One week, it's the offense. Other week, it's the defense.

Advice: They have Middle Tennessee State this week. They gave the Cards a game last year. This may be a risky one to buy. it.

6. Cincinnati

Pros: They play good defense and they somehow manage to win games.

Cons: Fourth String Quarterback.

Advice: They're on a bye week before playing UConn. Sell it now.

7. Syracuse

Pros: None here.

Cons: Too many to mention.

Advice: Don't buy. If you have any to sell, why did you buy any in first place?

8. Rutgers:

Pros: Greg Schiano is their coach and they beat Morgan State

Cons: Mike Teel

Advice: They have UConn this week. Don't Buy. If you have any, I hope you sold it before the season started.

Monday, October 13, 2008

SLAP 10!

This past week in college football, we had a wealth of slaps emerge. Let's see who made the honor roll.....

10. Auburn

So who are guys going to fire next? That win streak against Bama is in danger.

9. Rutgers

Cincinnati owns you...plain and simple. They're down to their fifth string quarterback and they still beat you. Enjoy Big East Conference Morgan States on the schedule.

8. Clemson

I think this needs no further explanation. At least you're in the Top Ten in something.....

7. Georgia Tech

Great win over Gardner-Webb. Gardner-Webb sounds like it's a lawfirm instead of a University. As usual, ESPN will keep saying what a great conference the ACC is. 10-7 win....hmmmm.

6. Vanderbilt

You guys may have given Sylvester Croom some job security.

5. Missouri

Bad weekend for Big 12 teams ranked in the Top 5. In the words of Mike Gundy:

Chance at a BCS game or Title Game: "THAT AIN'T TRUE!"
Chance at Big 12 Championship: "THAT AIN'T TRUE!"
Why you're so hyped: "BECAUSE IT'S GARBAGE!"

4. Oklahoma

The punter faking that dive and then the injury turned out to be bad karma for you guys. Texas rolled on you and the rest was history. You guys got beat by a QB named "Colt". I mean this kid is something out of a "Raising Arizona" movie.

3. Big East Officials

Great job doing the North Carolina-Notre Dame game. Now us Pitt fans know what to expect when we come to South Bend. Don't worry, we don't forget the WVU game last year. We're used to being screwed over by you guys. I swear the referee was on the verge of tears when he had to announce that it was a fumble and the ball belonged to UNC. Again, you tried hard to screw the other team. It didn't work. Try something else.

2. Ricky Jean-Francois

So you make this comment about hitting Tim Tebow like a car wreck without a seatbelt. You know they have airbags in cars these days. I guess that's why Tebow dominated your pals while you sat at home with a sore vagina. Way to back up the smack talk.

1. Michigan

It just keeps getting more funnier for Rich Rodriguez. First loss to a MAC team. It couldn't have happened to a better coach and a program. The Nittany Lions are waiting for you at State College. If you think losing to Toledo was bad, you're about to be crushed this next game. As for WVU, they're not doing any better.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Kevan Barlow: Welcome to the "Best Damn WLAT Show". Coach Harris is out this week so I'll be filling his spot because Paul Rhodes hasn't been fired yet. Rod Rutherford is here with me doing the co-hosting.

Rod Rutherford: Thanks for having me back, Kevan. I was surprised to be invited back after our debacle at Filthy McNasty's which I take responsibility for.

Kevan: What the hell do you mean? Wait a didn't run into any old classmates down there again? I don't remember much from that weekend. Where's Tyler at?

Rod: Walt benched him for this week's show. For the record, I didn't run into any old classmates.

Kevan: Whoa..whoa....Tyler got benched?

Rod: Yep.

Kevan: For what?

Rod: Well he joined us as the bar to watch the game and started making fun of Bill Stull. Then Bill made some big plays and Pitt won the game. During the game, you fed him Jager Bombs. He was so amped after the game, you started ribbing him about Stull beating a better opponent than Tyler ever did.

Kevan: happened....he get into a fight?

Rod: Worse.....He left the bar and came back dressed in his 2004 Pitt Uniform..helmet and all. He ran around the bar stiff-arming people, throwing darts like he was re-enacting a past football game, and he DDT'd a frat boy.

Kevan: Wow....wait a minute......I just received a text message from Walt. It reads:


I heard a rumor that you might have a certain guest on the show that I may not approve of. If you do this, you will be hanging out with Tyler in the dog house. Bertie Higgins is about to take the stage. I will see you when I get back.

Rod: Well, there goes that idea. We have no guest for the show. I can call up Rasheed Marshall. I know he ain't doing a damn thing.

Kevan: Sheed's a hoopie. That ain't gonna work here. Rosie Bynes just emailed me the other day about coming on the show.....He's learned to walk again since that nasty punt return he took at Miami in 2002.

Rod: That wasn't a punt return......

Kevan: Oh yea...then again...Shelly Anderson expressed inter.....

Rod: Oh hell no! You realize I had a restraining order against her?!? The chick was on my sack big time. I used to receive love letters....and other...types of photos.

Kevan: ones?

Rod: Yeah, that's why I took so many timeouts. I couldn't get those images out of my head in 2003 when taking the snap.

Kevan: Yeah...I'll come out of the closet..and admit...I was one of her favorites too. It ruined my career.

Rod: It made you fumble?

Kevan: Yeah......Those images would pop in my head...and I would just drop the football.

Rod: She liked Walt too. I'm surprised Walt was never affected by her.

Kevan: It's Coach Harris we're talking about. He had some pretty low standards. I mean he picks up ladies at Denny's for Wlat's sake!

Rod: So what about our guest?

Kevan: Well since we can't have him on the show....I have our guest on speaker phone. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Pat Hoderny.

Hoderny: Hey guys, long time no see! I love the show. I watch it when I get a chance.

Rod: Oh man, Walt's gonna kill both of us when he gets back.

Kevan: Calm down, Pat is not our guest. I just dialed his number by accident.

Rod: Good to have you on the show, Pat. How about this fall weather?

Pat: Oh it's a drag man. It's gonna be winter real soon, but it's football season and Pitt's 4-1.

Kevan: I guess we can say you love Summer the best of all seasons?

Pat: Summer? Oh I f***in love Summer! Man she was......

Rod: Yeah and I think we just ran out of time. It was nice having you, Pat. Hey Kevan, hang up the phone man.

Kevan: Sorry, I just couldn't resist asking that question.

Rod: Let's just hope Walt doesn't find out....

( To be continued......)

Thursday, October 9, 2008


Cassin Diggs gets Belated Honor

Cassin Diggs was recently honored by the Pitt Basketball program by being the recipient of the John DeGroat Award. This honor is awarded every year for the team's most rarely used JUCO player. Diggs played only one season at Pitt where he appeared
in nine games and averaged 1.8 points before being told to move on. To be fair, Diggs was also injured for who knows how long.

The award was started in 2006 after DeGroat graduated in 2006. Degroat didn't see much time in his days as a Panther, but has prospered in the American Basketball Association playing for the Pittsburgh Xplosion. Last season, DeGroat averaged 18.2 points per game for the Pittsburgh franchise.

Recipients of the John DeGroat Award

2006 - John DeGroat
2007 - Doyle Hudson
2008 - Cassin Diggs

This year's player on the John Degroat watch: Jermaine Dixon

The Pick-Six Watch

The Panthers are five games into their season and still without a pick-six. They couldn't even manage one against Syracuse. Most odds-makers are waiting for the Rutgers game. Here's how the current contestants stand:

Aaron Berry - Berry has yet to register an interception this season. Navy likes to run the ball which means the odds are pretty stacked against him and his teammates.

Odds: 50-1

Jovanni Chappel - Jovanni is also without an interception. He didn't have a good game against Syracuse.

Odds: 100-1

Dom Decicco/Elijah Fields - Dom got on the board with an interception against South Florida last Thursday. Will he be able to take it to the house? He's splitting time with Elijah Fields who does have the ability to take it to the house. He's due sooner or later.

Odds: 150-1

Eric Thatcher - Even Eric is listed as to having an interception. He has no yards on the return. I'm not sure if he's capable of scoring a touchdown off one.

Odds: 200-1.

Pitt Students Hospitalized

There has been reports of Pitt students being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning over the last couple weeks of football season. The University has been investigating and they believe it is a result of the Bill Hilgrove Drinking Game. The students listen to Hilgrove and drink alcohol after something Bill does on the radio. Panther Rants found a sample of the drinking game and here are some of the rules:

1. When Bill gets the yardage wrong and has to keep correcting himself - 1 drink
2. When Bill screams "LOOSE FOOTBALL!" - 1 drink
3. If Bill says the "THE PANTHERS HAVE IT!" - 2 more drinks
4. When Bill gets the player's name wrong - 2 drinks
5. When Bill gets the quarter and time left wrong - 3 drinks

The problem with this game is Bill does these things a lot. Most students can't make it to the halftime before they are puking their guts out from cans of Natural Ice and Cheap "O" Pizza.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Specter Investigates Wisky-OSU Outcome

It seems Arlen Specter can't stay out of the sports headlines. After all, he's a politician and not a jock. Arlen had been active in fighting the war on Spygate. Spygate as we all know, was when the Patriots were filming practices of their opponents and their locker room showers as well. Now the Pennsylvania Senator is sending his troops into the game of College Football.

Specter is investigating two games in which the Wisconsin Badgers folded in the second half against Michigan and their meltdown against Ohio State in the final minutes. Specter feels these games were fixed just so Ohio State could remain in the BCS title hunt and to prevent the Michigan-OSU game from being broadcasted on the CW network. Earlier today, the Senator released this statement:

"We are in the process of investigating the possible fixing of college football games. The United States government has been active in the investigation steroids in baseball, and NFL teams spying on each other. Although there are bigger worries like the economy, oil prices, and election; We feel those are non-issues and we have nothing else better to do at this time. We're curious to know how one team can blow a nineteen point lead one week and then let a true freshman pick your defense apart in the final minutes."

This investigation also is a result of a rumor Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delaney called the Wisconsin coaches box showing his displeasure after P.J. Hill scored to give the Badger the lead late in the game. Here is the text of the conversation:

Delaney: What the hell was that?

Wisconsin Defensive Coordinator, Dave Doeren: Uhhh....we scored a touchdown?

Delaney: You guys weren't supposed to score!

Doeren: Well he tried to fall down at the one yard line, he just fell a little to forward.

Delaney: We had this conversation last week. You're supposed to lose! The Michigan-Ohio State game is not too far away! We need Michigan to win so ESPN can over-advertise the hell out of it! Ohio State was supposed to be in the BCS title game this year!

Doeren: Penn State is still undefeated. They're looking good. Why not give them a chance?

Delaney: WHAT?!?! PENN STATE?!? ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!? This is about Michigan-Ohio State. Not them!

Doeren: They may beat Michigan and Ohio State.

Delaney: Oh no.....I got bigger plans for Penn State in those games. I will make sure they're handled.

Doeren: What can we do? Pryor hasn't done much against us tonight.

Delaney: Look, just play your defense back and let Pryor move the ball. If your defense looks lost, don't you dare let them call a timeout! You hear me?!?

Doeren: Yes sir.

Big Ten Officials have declined comment on the investigation.

Monday, October 6, 2008

SLAP 10!

Panther Rants takes a look at this past weekend to see who made the list of slaps. Below are the recipients on the honor roll.

10. Andrew Johnson

Oh...we remember the day you wore the pink suit and pledged to Pitt. Then you decided to head to Miami some few months later. You talked about bringing some recruits to Pitt. Instead, you went with them. Then you analyzed game film for the Duke-Miami game every season...which would be the only way you'd see playing time. Now you're a backup at Akron. Still no regrets? C'mon.....

9. Noel Devine

Yeah, we remembered the high school films. Too bad you're still not in high school.....

8. Chase Daniel

So, you beat Nebraska. You didn't just beat them, you routed. Instead of celebrating, you decide to act like a whiny little bitch. Okay you got spit on and picked on by the Nebraska players. Dude, it's football not a tea party.

7. Rutgers

Keep Choppin' wood. You may just beat a Division 1A opponent.

6. Kentucky

Games like this past Saturday are a reminder as to why you're 2-34 all time versus 'Bama. At least we don't have to hear all the BCS talk like we did last year.

5. Wisconsin

Another game, another blown lead. So what was the strategy? Sit back and let a true freshman QB pick you apart? Because of you, OSU will be back in the BCS title picture again.

4. South Florida

Same blown Top Ten ranking, same blown opportunity. At least we couldn't be entertained by the story of Moffitt and his ugly wife again. Instead, we got entertained by your defense being smoked by Bill Stull, LeSean McCoy, and friends.

3. Iowa

I guess Ferentz decided to take Wanny's approach and be aggressive. You guys went for it on fourth-and-one only to turned down. Not to mention, you were in field goal range and a chance to take it to OT.

2. Oregon State

After a big win against USC, you make the list by blowing an eight point lead with under two minutes left. The Utah lovefest just keeps getting better. We could sit "Pitt-Utah: Part Two" in January.

1. Iowa State

You are number one on the list for this past weekend. You blew a twenty point lead. Good Job.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Best Damn WLAT Show...Period.....

Walt: Well we're back after a week hiatus. Not to mention we're in Tampa! There was a lot of issues since the last show. Because of that, we decided to make some lineup changes.

Kevan Barlow: Tyre Young has no affiliation with this show for a while. With that web site scandal and his behavior on last show, we decided to go in a different direction for a while. Tyler Palko has been benched from the show. Probably the first time he's been benched since.....

Rod Rutherford: Since, I beat his ass out for the starting job during the Texas A&M game. Wait a minute, he's here! Did he sneak on the tour bus?

Walt: Well I told Tyler, we didn't need him. He didn't have much else to do so I decided to let him travel with us. It's kind of similar to when you couldn't beat out Brian St. Pierre for the third string job. The Steelers felt bad, so they let you come to the Super Bowl.

Tyler: Don't throw stones in glass houses, Rod..or in your case....objects at women's car windows.

Rod: Well there's a lot to that story than that.

Tyler: Sure, Larry Fitzgerald wasn't there to make the catch. Unlike you, I was never in danger in losing my job. Hell I made Luke Getsy and Joe Flacco transfer.

Rod: Yeah, but Joe Flacco has something that you don't.

Tyler: What's that?

Rod: A seven figure salary.....

Tyler: F*** You.......

Kevan: Now guys, settle down.

Tyler: I'm not going to take this crap from a city league quarterback. My stay in the pros lasted the same as yours. How's the Erie River Rats?

Rod: They're looking for a quarterback since I decided not to play. I hear they would have called you, but they called Matt Flaus instead.

Walt: Ouch...come on guys. Tyler is it true you had a tryout with Cal U? Are you going to coach like Rod does?

Tyler: Well I've petitioned for another year of eligibility. I mean If Joe Slappy can play college football for 7 years, why can't I?

Rod: Joe Slappy still plays? Didn't you go to high school with him?

Tyler: Yes. Hell they're thinking of letting Marcel Pestano play another year.

Walt: How did your tryout go, Tyler?

Tyler: It didn't last long. Tyre Young showed up to try out as well and threatened to shoot me.

Walt: Well I was hoping to see more of my players from Pitt play. I mean, I did see Joe Flacco play at Heinz.

Kevan: Antonio Bryant plays here in Tampa. Why not go see him play?

Walt: I want no part of that. Putting up with him for three years was enough. He still wants an apology for R.J. English. Where did Rod go?

Rod: Sorry about that, was taking a timeout.

Walt: You took a lot of those in 2003.

Rod: Thanks to you. Julius Jones just ran by, he's wondering when you'll stop him.

Walt: Well if St. Vincent's doesn't work out, I imagine there's Cal U.

Kevan: Speaking of that, I gotta go.

Walt: Where the hell are you going? The show isn't over!

Kevan: I'm heading to Cal U to see if they need a running back.

Rod: Me too, they'll take anyone except for Tyler.

Tyler: I'll just take Kevan's job as co-host.

Walt: No you won't. Besides, Kevan's done a good job here. Speaking of that, I thought Rod and Kevan were heading back to Cal U. Are they heading into a bar.

Tyler: Yeah, they saw a Filthy McNasty's and just couldn't resist.

Walt: Well that's it for the Best Damn WLAT Show. Sometimes in your college career, the show is never over to you. When it finally is, you'll end up here talking to me. Hey there's a Denny's down the street. Time for a Grand Slam! The show is never over there. It's open 24 hours!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Half Assed Pitt-USF Preview

Pitt will head to Tampa to face the South Florida Bulls on Thursday night. Panther Rants gives you a half assed preview of what to look out for when you turn on the television. You made some Jim Beam or some Valium. Hell, you might need both.


Pitt is coming off a big win over a traditional Big East power in Syracuse. The Panthers fell early, but got back up and ran their way to victory. Pitt is 3-1 on the year. Their key win is against Iowa.

They have lost their last two games against South Florida and you can thank Matt Grothe for that. Grothe has had the Pitt defense's number the last two games. South Florida's defense has had their way with us in terms of everything ranging from sacks to turnovers.

Pitt's offense will be led by LeSean McCoy and Larod Stephens. Both backs had big games against Syracuse and are hoping to fill the void in case their offense "Stulls". Derek Kinder has re-emerged from the wideout spot. Pitt's offensive line has some issues as usual.

Pitt's defense had an off game at Syracuse. The secondary didn't have a great game and will need to step up if the front seven can't catch Grothe.

South Florida

They're 5-0 and in the Top Ten. They had some scares against UCF and Florida International. Both of those schools are in state rivals. They had big wins against Kansas and NC State.

Matt Grothe has been a one man gang. He has a passer efficiency of 150.2 and he leads the team in rushing yards. Their backfield has a group that pitches in. Moise Plancher, Jamar Taylor, and Mike Ford have combined for eleven rushing touchdowns. At receiver, Jessie Hester is their lead man. They have several other receivers who are averaging over 10 yards per catch.

On defense, there's not much to say. They force turnovers, pressure the quarterback, etc. They're also hard to run the ball against.

Key Matchups
Pitt's Backfield vs. USF's front seven - This will be an entirely different matchup than what LeSean Mcoy/Larod Stephens faced at Syracuse. USF's defense has yet to allow their opponents to rush over 100 yards. They have only allowed three rushing touchdowns this year as well. McCoy didn't have a good rushing game against USF last. Pitt will need to establish the run or they'll have to rely on Bill Stull. Yeah...we're screwed......

Pitt Passing Game vs. USF Secondary - USF's secondary is full of ball grabbers. No, we're not talking about Richard Simmons. We're talking about their ability to intercept passes. They've intercepted 29 passes in the last 18 games. Pitt had three passes picked off last year and two got returned for touchdowns. In other words, they do things that our defense can't. This may not be a good idea for Bill Stull to force anything.

Pitt will need it's wide receivers to step up as well. Maybe now it's time to get the ball to Dorin Dickerson some more. Derek Kinder may need to really to bring it. In other words, they'll need to do something on offense or it will be a long game.

Pitt Defense vs. USF Offense - USF is big on the offensive line. Pitt's defense will need to attack Grothe in any way possible. They will need to create havoc and stay in his face. If Grothe can't pass, he'll run. Which means the linebackers will need to tackle well. Shane Murray is back, which helps, but is he ready? I don't think I can stomach another game with Austin Ransom at linebacker. Greg Williams will need to step up and Scott Mckillop needs a big game.

Overall: Pitt has a very tall order this Thursday. On paper, they're overmatched on both sides of the ball. The offensive line will need to open some holes for the running game and not the opposing team. They'll need to give Stull time or it may lead to very bad decisions.