Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Report: Rich Rodriguez leaves WVU, flees to Iran

Mr. and Mrs. Ahdfkjsdlfjsdkfjsldkfjwlatijad?
Tehran - In a stunning event, West Virginia Mountaineers coach Rich Rodriguez has apparently left the team mid-season to pursue his dream of copulating with infamous Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedi...Achmad...Uh...
Ahdfkjsdlfjsdkfjsldkfjwlatijad. Seen here is the happy couple in a photograph taken by a man who we have learned was later beheaded. Panther Rants was lucky enough to get an interview with the former WVU coach just after he was approved by the Majlis for some Mahmoud lovin'.

"It's been a lifelong dream of mine to come to the former Safavid and Persian empire," said Rodriguez. "And the first time I saw Mahmoud on the television - it was like I was hit by a thunderbolt. I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd find myself over here."

When asked about abandoning a top-5 team just as the season was underway, Rodriguez was not reticent: "Look, I know this might seem a little odd, but I feel at home here, I really do. Hell, my old team was nothing more than a bunch of malcontents and thugs anyway, players who couldn't get a scholarship to Sing Sing if they tried. But we pushed'em through -hey, PacMan Jones and Chris Henry got into our school and survived its rigorous course load, and I'm proud of that. They're fine, upstanding young men. And like I said, I feel right at home here - because when you come from a place surrounded by would-be and convicted criminals, there's no better place to go to feel comfortable than a country whose leader denies the Holocaust ever happened. And the best thing," Rodriguez said with a wink, "is that he really know how to lead where it matters. Not that there's anything wrong with that."


Anonymous said...

Guys, this is great, how in the hell do you come up with this material?

Drugs, alcohol?

Wlats_moving_truck said...
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In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...
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In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...


Pittikrit said...

Peyote schmeyote. We're just all geniuses. Obviously the product of higher breeding.