Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
WVU's Devine Joins Guild
Morgantown - Heralded WVU freshman running back, Noel Devine, has been tremendous on the field early in the season. Unfortunately though, he's a father of 25 and must provide for his children. In an attempt to make some side money, Devine announced today that he is joining the famed Lollipop Guild.
"This has always been a life-time dream. The guild is filled with my people...the midgets of the world that seek to entertain and brighten others' day. Let's face it, I'm a performer on the field, amongst fertile bitches, and now, on the yellow-brick road." When questioned on how he got started, Noel continued. "Well, the guild contacted me first. You could say they recruited me. I got a call one day - they said they'd had a lot of success with another football player. Some Del Sardo guy from Pitt. Supposedly he had some Ipod obsession so he needed a buncha dough. The guild said he did a great job for them; his energy never stopped. Had to quit because of some sort of business with powder of some sort."
When asked if the guild would interfere with his school or football, Noel stated, "Maybe it will; I really don't care though. Only thing that matters to me is knocking up enough ho's to get enough kids so i can get my own area code. That's bawler. But after I saw what happened to Travis Henry, I know I need to start saving money. I take care of my kids!"