Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, September 7, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Long gone

Well it truly is a "Good Friday" here at Panther Rants with the news that broke an hour ago in the Post Gazette that Jeff Long is looking at the Arkansas AD job.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07250/815503-142.stm

Pitt A.D. Long finalist for Arkansas job
Friday, September 07, 2007
By Paul Zeise, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette


Pitt athletic director Jeff Long is one of three finalists for the same position at the University of Arkansas, according to sources.
An Arkansas television station has footage of Long and his wife Fanny, getting off of a private plane in Fayetteville, Ark., at about 11 a.m. today.
Long has held the A.D. position since May 2003. He is in the last year of his contract and negotiated with the university earlier this year, but a deal was not reached.
Long's most prominent hired current football head coach Dave Wannstedt.



Oddly enough, hiring a football coach that has gone 12-12 and not reached a bowl in two seasons is one of the better things that he has done. We here at Panther Rants seriously question what lies Long put on his resume. Seriously, we all fudge our resumes a bit to make ourselves look more qualified and experienced than we are. But an SEC school? Jesus Christ.

The good news is that we here at were able to obtain a copy of Long's resume. And being the generous souls that we are, we have copied and pasted it below:


University of Pittsburgh Pittsburgh, Pa. June, 2003 - present
Director of Athletics
  • Developed an effective strategy which raised athletic department revenues 20-percent within the past four years.*
  • Presided over a men's basketball program that is consistently in the top-25 and National Colliegate Athletic Association annual tournament. **
  • Enhanced the school's identity through merchandising and marketing. ***
  • Developed and presided over the Quest for Excellence capital campaign. ****

* - Yeah, by changing logos and jersey styles not once but twice.

** - Yes you did. Because even you realized that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Well, aside from the "seat auction" debacle.

*** - The new philosophy is, "If they don't know what we look like, they can't make fun of us."

**** - Which might have $11 in the bank account thanks to humble attitude of the athletic department.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do you think Jeff can use the Uhaul when he moves to Arkansas?

Wlats_moving_truck said...

Abso-friggin-lutely. We are always look to pimp ourselves out for extra cash.