Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Penn State-Michigan “Rivalry” Dead?

Panther Rants has learned of rumors coming out of Happy Valley that Joe Paterno is petitioning the Big Ten Conference to get Michigan off their schedule. Although it would be impossible since Michigan is in their conference, Penn State feels they wouldn’t beat Michigan even if Dave Wannstedt were the coach. The Big Ten is trying to resolve this issue and here what proposals are on the table:

  1. A seven game conference schedule. It would allow an extra out of conference game and there would be two Big Ten teams you wouldn’t have to play
  2. A nine game conference schedule, but you get to play the same opponent twice. This may not be probable because there would be a fight over who plays Indiana twice.
  3. Penn State-Michigan series resumes, but Penn State gets two officials from Pennsylvania for every one official from Michigan.

Right now, both sides have not reached an agreement and this could go on until the off season.

Pitt Makes Changes on Offensive Line

Pitt’s offensive line has been hampered by poor blocking, holding calls, and false starts. This issue has been a mystery since…well we would have to go way back in time. The coaches held a meeting on Wednesday and made some personnel changes to reflect a new way of blocking. Paul Dunn would not comment on the situation, but sent us a photo as a hint of what we may see either this Saturday or upcoming later in the season:

Pitt would be using the Oompa Loompas to block for Pat Bostick and Shady McCoy. Right now they are a work in progress as the staff is trying to get them to quit singing a song after the quarterback is left laying on his back. We can only imagine what they’re singing.

Oompa Loompa
Do bitty Dooo
I’ve got another puzzle for you….
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

What do get when run the wildcat?
It just means your quarterback can’t pass.
Why not play the top heralded recruit?
Or are you just playing to lose?

You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no Blue Bonnet Bowl.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
If you can coach you will go far.
You will be BCS Champions too,
Like the Oompah
Oompah Loompah doompadee doo

Louisville Junks the Droids

The grand experiment is over. After the Cardinals’ lost to Syracuse this past Saturday, the droids were shipped off to the Elderon system. Even they couldn’t solve Louisville’s defensive woes as Andrew Robinson had the game of his life. So what’s next for their defense that is making Pitt’s 2003 defense look like the Steel Curtain? Head Coach Steve Kragthorpe made this telepathic statement:

“The offense is going to play iron man football. They seem to put up a lot of points on offense. I have a feeling they can help us on defense. I mean it’s worth a try, isn’t it? What else do we have to lose? I guess you can say we forgot to address the defense before the season began. Actually, it must have been that weed Willie Williams was feeding us. I mean it was some really good stuff. The defense looked so bad before the season that we all had to be high just to watch them play. Hell, I wonder if Willie will leave us some since he’s leaving now.”

West Virginia’s New Strategy

West Virginia is already getting their game plan ready for the Backyard Brawl. Sensing his team may go into the triple digits against Pitt, Mountaineers head Coach Rich Rodriguez plans to run Owen Schmidt on every single play from scrimmage. This will cut down on the points and yards making the game quick and painless. On defense, they plan to use only ten defenders instead of eleven if the Big East will allow it. Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt applauded the move and mentioned he may punt on every first down to make it fair.

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