Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Pitt Officials' Attempts to Blind Grambling State Foiled by Clouds, Rain

Heinz Field during a typical Pitt game
Heinz Field - Pitt officials were foiled today in their attempt to blind Grambling
State by having the sunlight reflect off of the tens of thousands of empty seats at Heinz Field. The sun was nowhere to be found, and rain and patchy clouds made the effort a failing one. "People throughout history have tried to do the same thing as we did today," claimed chancellor Mark Nordenberg in a telepathic interview with Panther Rants. "The Greeks used to shine their armor before battle in a hope to be blindingly terrifying to their opponent. We just didn't have events in our favor today. Now, let's not forget our terrific fans," he added. "They certainly did their part by not showing up - after all, we had only about 240 people on-hand to watch the game today. The seats were empty, just waiting to collect that sunlight. I mean, the yellow is glaring and notoriously reflective. But the sun just didn't cooperate. Fortunately, we managed to pull out a miraculous win despite the sun not being on our side."

Following the game, Nordenberg immediately authorized a comittee to look into the possibility of creating a weather machine to prevent events from occurring again as they did today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

txs. loved this post. made me laugh out loud.