Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Source: Long to Arkansas a cover up

OURKANSAS (PR) - Panther Rants has learned from a source inside the Arkansas AD this evening that Pitt athletic director Jeff Long's visit to Wal-Mart mecca is nothing short of a hoax.

The source, who we'll refer to as Billy Bob (it's generic enough for the south), said Long is in Bentonville for one reason and one reason alone - to cover his current program's ass.

Following the fallout from last week's upset win by Appalachian State over Michigan, Long wanted to be certain that if Pitt was going to lose to a Division I-AA opponent, it was going to do so with an excuse in hand. In a stroke of brilliance, the first he's had since arriving at Pitt, Long has created what can be considered a distraction that can be blamed just in case Pitt should fall against Grambling.

Long could not immediately be reached for comment.

Told of the inside information, Panther Rants college football analyst and former Pitt head football coach Serafino "Foge" Fazio was shocked.

"Grambling's bringing a football team?" Fazio asked. "Grambling has a football team? I just figured we were having and intrasquad scrimmage and the Grambling band was providing some extra entertainment."

Billy Bob said Long showed up unannounced and uninvited in Bentonville. When school officials asked why he made the visit, Long gave the cover up explanation as his reason. Because Arkansas has been known to shit the bed equally as bad and often as Pitt
, school officials were struck by the brilliance of Long's move and agreed to keep the information to themselves. Billy Bob added that the school's officials so impressed that they have asked Long to return next week to actually interview for the position.

"Don't be fooled, we had no interest in Long - we had no intentions of interviewing him before today," Billy Bob said. "OK, the guy is slightly better Steve Pederson, but that's like comparing Milwaukee's Best to Golden Anniversary. Even so, he really impressed the right people here by showing such incredible initiative to have an excuse built in just in case his team shits the bed this weekend. That's the kind of forward thinking we have been lacking in Arkansas
; he could've covered up the embarrassment of the Mitch Mustain debacle."

Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh everyone is holding their breath ... hopeful that Long takes the job.

1 comment:

ELF said...

Awesome read. We need you down in Arkansas to tell it like it is at our program. We have been shitting the bed way too long.