Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Co-Worker: “Back When I Was at UVa. . .”

Williamsport, PA --- Despite having the same job and station in life as his co-workers who attended various state schools, Attorney Horace Whiffletree constantly references his college experience as “Back when I was at UVa . . . “

Whiffletree, who continues to contribute a large portion of his take home pay for his exorbitant student loans that his similarly situated co-employees have long paid off, takes great pains to mention that he went to the University of Virginia at every opportunity. “Back when I was at UVa, we would often have bacon available at the breakfast bar in the Uva cafeteria,” gloated Whiffletree when his co-workers were reminiscing about college life. “In fact, at UVa, we had this tradition at UVa that we would have these plastic trays where we would place our food while walking through the UVa cafeteria line.” When the conversation veered to home improvement projects, Whiffletree chimed in that “When I was at UVa, my fraternity volunteered for Habitat for Humanity for a morning. That is the kind of stuff we did at UVa.”

Whiffletree’s co-workers expressed puzzlement over his ad naseum comments about attending the University of Virginia. “Except when we discuss the weekend sports games, no one has asked me where I went to college for 10 years or so. It is such a complete non-issue after you get your first job. Even the guys here who actually went to top notch Ivy Leagues school don’t bring it up. I guess it goes with the territory, though, of someone who still has “National Junior Honor Society” listed on his resume,” said Whiffletree’s co-worker Diane Gamberind.

That is not to say that Whiffletree’s comments are without benefit to the firm culture. To the contrary, the constant references to UVa provide much fodder for office jokes. “Back when I was at Lehigh Parkway Elementary School, we had special pencil boxes with our names written on masking tape”, joked one co-worker. “When I was at Williamsport High, we would attend football games and drink hot cocoa if the weather got chilly. Bully for us!!!” mocked another.

When asked about his UVa references for this story, Whiffletree was non-plussed. “I don’t see what the big deal is. When I go back for Homecoming at UVa, everyone mentions how they went to UVa. Isn’t that what people do?” Whiffletree commented that is returning to campus this weekend to see the Cavaliers take on the Pitt Panthers. “It should be great fun. The crowd really gets into the game. We have this cheer where one half of the stadium yells “We attended” and the other half responds “U-VA!!!” Everyone is quite impressed after that.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You guys gotta get those slack-jawed UVa yokels riled up like the hapless UConn fans that wandered onto this site