Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
NCAA Announces Arkansas Investigation
Indianapolis - NCAA President Myles Brand called a press conference this afternoon taking a strong stand against the University of Arkansas. "Recent activities within Arkansas' Athletic Department leave us no option but a full investigation." Brand continued, "The actions and impropriety performed at the University seriously comprises their standing with the NCAA."
Reporters asked if the infractions included possible recruiting violations regarding quarterback, Mitch Mustaine, and running back, Darren McFadden. "This investigation has nothing to do with any recruiting issues. Today, Arkansas announced the hiring of Jeff Long as their Athletic Director. This action can only mean one thing. That is, the University of Arkansas does not care at all about being competent, competitive, or relevant at the NCAA's highest classification. We will conduct a thorough yet swift investigation and determine the proper course of action. If found guilty, the University could, and likely will, face expulsion from NCAA competition. Not that it would matter though; Long will certainly take care of the lack of competition issue himself."
Brand had time for one remaining question from Pantherrants. "While it is true that I look like Droopy Dog, I am in fact no relation to him whatsoever."