Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Special Accomodations for Morelli

State College - Pantherrants learned of some heated arguments on PSU's campus. Reports surfaced stating that starting quarterback, Anthony Morelli, was receiving special treatment that the remaining players did not. Assistant Coach, Jay Paterno, clarified.

"The rumors are true that Anthony will have accomodations for travel. Normally, the team travels together in buses. However, Anthony will traveling in his own, smaller bus." When asked the reason, Paterno Jr. (aka - Mr. Nepotism, Ugly Kid Jay, The Worthless Wonder, etc.) stated that the bus was for Morelli and the team's safety. "Anthony is easily confused and flustered. At times, he can act out by flailing his arms, screaming slurred obscenities, and slamming his head against the wall. And with him wearing the helmet all the time, that can not only be distracting but unsafe for the other players." Senior MLB Dan Connor elaborated. "Listen man - I got bit last year, and not in a place you wanna be bit, either. One minute he was laughing; then the bus turned and his crayons rolled down the aisle. There was no calming him down. We need the team to stay focused as we prepare for a game and Anthony needs to stay 'relaxed.'"

When asked for comment, Morelli barked like a dog, stuck his finger in his ass and sniffed it. The interview was cut short after Morelli drooled all over our notepad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

To be safe, I would have put him in Wlats Uhaul.