Pittsburgh - Pitt football announced a first of it's kind partnership between a university football team and labor unions. "There has been such a lack of focus on loyalty, following orders, and doing things by the rules in college football. Most coaches are interested only in on the field athletic performance. But getting results is such a small part of success, as my friends at AFSCME, UAW, and the Teamsters can attest. Therefore, we are partnering with these fine organizations."
AFSCME President, Gerald McEntee, further commented. "These great college football players have been pushed around for too long. No one has stood up for their rights, until now. We applaud Coach Wannsted and stand by him."
Wannstedt announced further personnel changes for Pitt football. "Larod Stephens-Howling, somee of the receivers, McKillop, and Kevan Smith are all getting the nod over the younger guys. Yeah, we could probably win this week with the younger talent. But they have to pay their dues; and I mean that figuratively and literally."
Young phenom tight end Nate Byham was asked for comment by Pantherrants. "Darrel Strong has been here like 10 years but he's a prick with hands so bad that can't even keep his dick in his hands correctly. I guess he deserves to play. However, I will be transferring to a non-union controlled program." Strong, standing beside this reporter, then whipped out his dong and screamed, "Somebody's gotta feel this!," flipped us off, and ran away.
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