Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Jeff Long Finalist for Arkansas AD Position

BLAWNOX (PR) - Panther Rants has learned through good, smart, trustworthy sources that current Pitt AD Jeff Long is among three finalists for the University of Arkansas Athletic Director position. According to a tip left via smoke signal, the Arkansas Razorbacks were looking to take their athletic programs in a new direction. Reports indicate that Jeff Long appears to be the man for the job.

Long certainly carries with him a solid resume. The unparalleled success of the hiring of high school football coach Dave Wannstedt and the re-institution of the Pitt name with a logo and colors that, according to Long, everyone likes, and the "cleaning-up" of the reveered DinoCat to resemble one of Michael Vick's dead pitbulls has apparently caught the eye of the powers-that-be down in Fayetteville.

"We're certainly proud to have Jeff take our offer for the AD position very seriously," said an unnamed, behind the scenes Arkansas source. "With the changes he's instituted at Pitt and with how successful they've been in stirring-up their fanbase, we see the chance for Jeff to make all the more progress here at Arkansas." One of the proposed changes for Arkansas that Long included in his resume was the changing of the team mascot from the "Razorbacks" to the "Flying Pigs" to better illustrate the realistic opportunity that the university has of ever winning anything in the SEC. Another proposal by Long would see the school shift their color scheme of cardinal red and white to pink and purple "for the sake of continuity with the Flying Pig name...and because that's what I chose in my coloring book," according to Long. Finally, Arkansas AD officials were blown away by the idea to introduce a new logo of an Aardvark with lipstick and to retain the name of "Sue E." since the animal could now truly be characterized as female, rather than the sexual ambiguity that the Razorback mascot created.

While nothing has been made official by either the Pitt AD or Arkansas AD, it appears that Jeffrey Long will be headed down South in the near future. We here at Panther Rants would like to extend our congratulations and thank you's to Mr. Long for all of his efforts that have given us so much ridiculous news to report upon since 2003.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

let the asshole go

Flying Pig said...

"the changing of the team mascot from the "Razorbacks" to the "Flying Pigs" to better illustrate the realistic opportunity that the university has of ever winning anything in the SEC"

We have won SEC titles in track, baseball and basketball. We have also won national titles in track and basketball while in the SEC. We have represented the SEC West in the SEC Championship 3 times since joining the SEC, though we have lost each time. In 2006, Arkansas baseball, basketball and football ALL participated in the SEC Championship game for each sport.

Personally, I don't want your AD that you guys had the bright idea of hiring in the first place. But I'm hearing it will happen anyway. Oh well. He'll have better resources in Fayetteville than at Pitt.

Anonymous said...

You must forgive this Blog Owner. It's typical northern ignorance to shoot off your mouth without finding out the facts first. We can blame the smugness on the attempt to make up for his "Short Comings". Bless your heart because one day your athletic department, including facilities, may rival what we had 15 years ago.


Anonymous said...

And maybe, one day, your academic achievements will rival what the University of Pittsburgh did in the 1960s.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Is a track national title more or less impressive than an irrelevant women's basketball title, I always forget.