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Friday, June 22, 2007

Pitt Football Schedules BCS Program

OAKLAND (PR) - University of Pittsburgh Athletic Director Jeff Long formally announced this morning that the Pitt Panthers have added a BCS program to their future football slate: the Bishop's College School (B.C.S.) of Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada. Long, during his press conference at some abandoned apartment on Bates Street, reitterated the University's desire to play a quality, out-of-conference, BCS-calibre opponent. "When you're in a position like we are in with Clemson dropping their scheduling agreement with us, you have to improvise and think creatively in the way you go about finding a new opponent," Long said. "We feel as if we've hit the jackpot with Bishop's College School." The attractive 2-for-1 offer presented by B.C.S. (2 games in Quebec, 1 at Heinz Field) was, according to Long, too good of an offer to refuse. "Like we said, we wanted to schedule BCS schools for our out-of-conference slate, so what better way is there to achieve that goal than to find a school that actually has those three letters in its name? We told you fans and media personnel that we're looking to play a BCS opponent, and now we you can't call me a liar!"

Long described that this game will have a truly different feel and atmosphere, as it will be played under Canadian Football rules. "This is one situation in which we truly wish we still had Coach Wlat Harris around, due to his expertise in the 3rd down punting realm of the game," Long said. "In fact," Long elaborated, "we had Coach Harris quick-kick for this very reason. We figured we would eventually be playing a Canadian opponent in an international game and, being the Big East and doing it all for the Benjamins...or Loonies in this case, we tried to prepare ourselves for the 3-down version of the sport that Canadians play." Long also spoke of the excellent marketability of this American-Canadian matchiup to coincide with the Big East's International Bowl in Toronto. "There's no doubt that this series will be tied into the International Bowl, it goes hand-in-hand with what our mission in the Big East Conference is: to be the best conference in the nation...meaning Canada."

Bishop College School is a reknowned secondary (high school) institution within Quebec and the Eastern region of Canada. B.C.S. Athletic Director Guy LaDouche, interviewed via telepathy, was "more than excited to see this series commence. We here at Bishop's College School feel honoured and privileged to be adding a victory to our schedule for the next three seasons." When questioned as to the credibility of playing a high school-level opponent, Long was confident in Pitt's ability to meet the challenge posed by B.C.S. "I have the utmost faith in Coach Wannstedt to find a way to have our team play like a high school team...Hell, that's all they did in his 1st year as head coach and in the 2nd half of last season, so the potential for success in that regard is definitely there. Plus, Coach Cavanaugh will have an extra 10 yards to work with on the Canadian standard field, thus making the problem of not being used to the NCAA hash-marks all but eliminated."

The first game is scheduled for December 26th as part of the Canadian Boxing Day Holiday celebration. Tickets will be made available through the Blue and 24 Karat Gold Club as a special promotion to rub it in the Pitt fanbase's face that they probably can't afford the trip anyway.

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