Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Buddy Morris Keeps Players Motivated With Innovative Training

Since bringing on Buddy Morris as Pitt's new strength and conditioning coach, there is a palpable sense of excitement in the locker room. Players complained that last year, S&C Coach Mike Kent had them only working out with Jane Fonda pregnancy videos, elastic bands, geriatric chair aerobics, those metal contraptions that are hooked onto doorknobs, and something called the "igallop". Consequently, many players confessed that they didn't try hard during the games. Some anonymous players have even admitted because of the S&C coach, they lost 4-5 games that they otherwise would have won.

Not so with their new "Buddy". Message board posters across the land are still giddy about Pitt being able to steal away the greatest strength and conditioning coach ever from the University of Buffalo, where he worked his magic by transforming a previously lackluster 1-10 team in 2005 to a "better than their record shows" 2-10 team in 2006. Said one former Buff, "There's no way we beat both Kent and Temple in the same season without Buddy pushing us hard. Man, that dude did some crazy stuff. Bench presses, squats, something called a clean and jerk. I don't know where he came up with this stuff, but it worked."

Similarly, Pitt players have said that they would not be surprised if Pitt wins the national championship because of his innovative training techniques of having players lifting weights to "build strength" and running "to increase speed and endurance". Whereas before Coach Kent would simply have the players use the old-fashioned machine that has the strap shaking a player's belly to lose weight, Coach Morris is experimenting with ground-breaking techniques such as diet modification combined with exercise to improve players' physiques. Some have even said that not only does Morris use "metal" weights during his innovative training sessions, but sometimes he uses other heavy objects such as cars or tree trunks. Whether one can get stronger by lifting items other than traditional barbells, or whether a player can learn to run faster by doing it in the early morning hours boot-camp style, remains unproven. But one thing is for sure: you aren't going to find players lifting weight and doing cardiovascular exercise at other football programs, and that may be the difference between a 6-6 Pitt team and 13-0 national championship team.


Anonymous said...

This is the funniest GD thing I ever read - nice work

Anonymous said...

First of all, looks like whoever wrote this has no idea what strength and conditioning is. Second, he looks like he is affiliated with a very small, unathletic person who calls himself an athlete but really isn't. I believe he goes by the name Joe Delsardo. Buddy Morris is actually the best in the Biz by far. Pitt is the luckiest team in america by getting him back. But no matter how hard the weightroom is being used, football players win national championships. Not bodybuilders and powerlifters. Pitt will never have the best football players.

Anonymous said...

your an idiot pitt is coming up and will turn out to be a great team this year you ass