Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Ask Wlat- June 1st edition

Panther Rants proudly presents Ask Wlat, where once a week former Pitt head coach Wlat Harris answers questions from his gaggle of admirers. As many of you may remember, Wlat was taking his 65-foot yacht, "The Wlatanic" through the Panama Canal last week in order to dock it near Mons Venus for the summer.

In typical Wlat fashion, the boat didn't do what it was coached to do and broke down near Honduras. Captain Wlat slid the boat into a marina where it's getting some work done.

Dear Wlat,

Were you trying to make a statement with your Transitions lenses that your wore on the sidelines? Is it for world peace? The environment? The memory of Sonny Bono?

Thanks in retrospect,
One-Trick Pony

Dear Pony,

Fuck, is this place a shithole. There isn't even a Goddam Starbucks in this place and I don't trust this food at. alll. I've had the shits for two days.

Sorry about that, just venting about the locale here in Honduras. I'm pretty sure this is where Sally Struthers filmed that "Feed the Children" commerical. Anyways. The statement that I was trying to make with my transition lenses, you know, was this: As you can see, I'm not smart enough to take polarized lenses off at night, please don't ask me any tough questions in the press conference, you know, like about our defense or something.

Dear Wlat,

What are your thought on big beefy man studs participating in ballet to improve their gracefulness on the field.


Dear Jester,

Holy shit! Where's that guy running to with the machete? I gotta' get the hell outta' here. This place is worse than the area around old Veterans Stadium.

Anyways, Gracefulness on the football field? Are you, you know, fucking kidding me? Is there anything about me that even remotely suggests that I care about a player's gracefulness? Two words for ya': Chase fucking Clowser. Okay, that's three words, but you get the idea.

No, I suggest ballet to football players so that they can meet chicks, really, really agile chicks....with long, skinny legs and.....

dear wlat,

any regrets?

your friendly beast of burden

Dear Burden,

Just one. Why do I get the feeling I should have trademarked "Wlat?"

Is that machine gun fire I just...ohh look, that hut's on fire. That does it, I'm getting the fuck out of this place. Well, that's is for Ask Wlat this week. Everyone have a happy and safe weekend and remember, sticks and stones may break my bones but I still, you know, probably banged your sister.

Send questions, comments and compliments to

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Holy mother of large shits was that funny. Tell him to get us some hats while he is there, you cant get them at sheetz