A Fair and Balanced Perspective of the Terrelle Pryor Situation

Here at Panther Rants, we seek to bring our own Billy O'Reilly "No Spin Zone" to our good, smart, honest, and trustworthy news stories. In order to provide such a fiduciary service for our loyal readers (who deserve nothing less than the very best), we have elected to consult a third, neutral, unbiased party to comment on the recent developments of the Terrelle Pryor recruitment. We are very honoured and very proud here at Panther Rants to bring to you an interview with one of the proudest, most fiercely loyal Pitt fans and Pittsburgh Sports Talk enthusiasts to our home: the one and only Titleman, the finest that Harrison City, PA has to offer.

PR: Titleman, may we begin by extending first and foremost our great appreciation to you for your taking your very precious time away from the Stan Savran show to sit down and chat with us for today's segment.

TITLEMAN: ITS A PLEASURE TO BE HERE...DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A PANTHA!

PR: That is does, Titleman...that it does. Although, I must say that we here at Panther Rants speak for the majority of the Pitt faithful in saying that the recent cut of Pitt by Terrelle Pryor in his continuing recruitment comes as a bit of a shock and depressing development. As such a loyal and fierce fan can you elabor...

TITLEMAN: LET ME BUT IN HERE AND TELL YOU, PANTHER FAITHFUL, THAT WE DONT NEED HIS SORRY BLAKE ASS IN THIS PROGRAM. WE WANT WHITE KIDS WHO WANT TO BE PITT PANTHERS, NOT WIMPS WHO CANT HACK IT FROM JEANETTE!

PR: That's quite the synopsis, Titleman. Your wisdom, as always, has shown throu...

TITLEMAN: IVE GOT MORE TO SAY...PRYOR IS A GUTLESS PUKE WHO SHOULD BE WASHING MY CAR NEXT TO THAT N***** ROD RUTHERFORD. DID I MENTION HES A BIG, DUMB N*****?

PR: Why yes, Titleman, you certainly did mentio...

TITLEMAN: WELL IT SHOULD BE SAID MORE OFTEN. THIS PRYOR PUKE IS A DEUSCHE AND HE CAN GO PLAY WITH KOSMO KRAMER MORONELLI UP THERE AT STATE PENN. WE WANT PALE ATHLETES WHO WANT TO BE PANTHERS, LIKE THE GREAT LOOKIN STUD YOU MENTIONED ON HERE THE OTHER DAY

PR: You would be referring to Marple Newtown High School's defensive end Pete Massaro. Pete is quite the stu...

TITLEMAN: YOUR DAMN RIGHT PETES A STUD. HES GOT THE ABILITY TO BE ANOTHER HUUUUGH GREEN ONLY NOT AS DARK. GREAT JOB PANTHER RANTS DIGGING UP THIS RECRUIT YOU ARE THE PANTHER!

PR: Why thank you, Titleman. We share the same enthusiasm not just for Pete, but for all things Pitt. Now, with losing a recruit of Pryor's calibre, what will be the fallout of...

TITLEMAN: FALLOUT?! WHAT MOTHERF***ING FALLOUT?! WANNY WILL WIN FOR PITT HE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL. HE WANTS ONLY NONCOLORED GUYS THAT WANT TO BE PANTHERS NOT THESE WEAK GUTLESS PUKES LIKE T-REL PRYOR, OR HOWEVER THE F*** YOU SPELL HIS AFRICAN NAME! WHAT A DEUSCHE! HELL JUST LAST NIGHT I CALLED INTO SAVRAN AND TOLD THE PANTHER FAITHFUL NO FEAR WANNY IS HERE. WE WILL BE A CONTENDER FOR YEARS TO COME WITHOUT SOME STUPID ASS BUM LIKE PRYOR. WE NEVER WANTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!

PR: But, if you'll excuse me Titleman, Pryor is ranked by many as the nation's #1 recruit. To say that Pitt didn't want him would be...

TITLEMAN: ARE YOU CALLIN ME A LIAR?! I TOLD YA PITT DOESNT WANT SOME PUKE STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON. WE WANT ANGLO-SAXON STUDS THAT WANT TO BE PANTHERS NOT SOME DARKI...

PR: Well hold on there, Titleman. We here at Panther Rants could never argue with your expertise. That's why we brought you in, for a fair and balance perspective of this developing story.

TITLEMAN: WELL I APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT IM TELLING ALL YOU PANTHER FANS THAT WANNY IS THE MAN HE'LL GET US INTO A BOWL AND MAKE PITT IT AGAIN! WLAT USED TO BE GOD BUT NOW ITS WANNY TIME!!!

PR: You bet it is! One last thing, Titleman...that is if you don't mind. What sort of inspiration or any sort of message can you offer those Pitt fans who still might be uneasy regarding this loss of Terrelle Pryor in the recruitment process?

TITLEMAN: THE HELL WITH THE FAIR WEATHER "FANS" WHO DONT SHOW UP AT GAMES AND SHOUT RACIAL SLURS IN THEIR SEATS! WE DONT JUST WANT WHITE KIDS WHO WANT TO BE PANTHERS ON THE FIELD, WE WANT GOOD WHITE PEOPLE WHO WANTS TO BE PANTHER FANS ROCKIN HEINZ FIELD LIKE THE METALLICA SHIRT THAT PETE MASSARO HAS ON!

PR: And nothing rocks like "Ride the Lightning" other than Pitt football! Titleman, we can't tell you how grateful we are for your visit with us here today. Can we look forward to being graced by your presence again in the near future?

TITLEMAN: WELL IM PRETTY BOOKED ON SAVRAN AND ELLIS CANNON AND TIM BENZ THAT F***ING NITTER TRASH AND PAUL ALEXANDER THAT OTHER NITTER SACK LICKER BUT ID BE GLAD TO TAKE TIME TO JOIN YOU GUYS HERE AGAIN. LOVE THE SITE!

PR: Well there you have it, folks, and you heard the Man of Pittsburgh Sports Talk say it first-hand! We'll be proud to have King Call-In back at anytime! We'd like to thank, once again, Harrison City's very own Titleman for his fantastic insight as to the Terrelle Pryor situation and we hope you'll join us next tim...

TITLEMAN: HE SUCKS, PITT FAITHFUL! PRYOR IS A GLORIFIED STREET WINDOW WASHING BUM FROM SOUTH CENTRAL. WE DONT NEED A RETURN OF THE BLACK PANTHERS! NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE THE PANTHER! DAMN IT FEELS GOOD YALL! I'LL BE BACK HERE AGAIN...GOTTA GO CALL STAN AND TALK ABOUT THE BUCCOS NOW.

PR: Couldn't agree more, Titleman. And we couldn't be more thrilled to know that you'll be joining us again soon! Do send Stan Savran our best from here at Panther Rants, as well!

Join us once again here on Panther Rants for all things Pitt and for more exclusive articles and interviews with the good, smart, trustworthy people that work behind the scenes to make Pitt Athletics the best in the nation!