Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Ask Wlat - June 8
It's Friday which means that it's time for Ask Wlat, when the former Pitt and Stanford coach answers questions from his many fans. Wlat and his 65-foot yacht, "Wlatanic" have finally made it safely to the docks in Tampa after having some fuel injector problems and getting stranded in southern North America. Wlat is soaking in some rays on the flybridge of the boating and answering questions while looking at porn on his Wlaptop.
Paula Creamer or Michelle Wie?
Rosie Jones, LPGA
Thanks for the e-mail, and a good question as well. This is like asking me which is better, Club Erotica or the former Bare Elegance. Both have very good qualities.
That said, my vote is going with Wie. For starters, she's Hawaiian, which is, you know, like kinda' Asian. Secondly, much like my coaching career, there's been a lot of hype but very few results. Actually, there haven't been ANY results. I mean, you know, if this chick is good enough to play with men, explain to me how, you know, she's never won a women's event?
Lastly, she's following in my footsteps of making excuses when things don't go her way. When she was 14 over par in a recent tournament she withdrew with an "injury." A couple of days later she's hitting balls on the drivin range at the tournament. That's my level of stupid, right there. When people called her out on it, Wie said.
"I don't think I need to apologize for anything," she said. "I just have to take care of my body and move forward and only think of positive things."
Eerily similar to my comments in 2004.
I think you will find the southern climate enjoyable and service equal to your current venue of choice. Our waitress staff is, at best, not the smartest crew. Would you consider using our facilities?
I love me some Waffle House. The food's good, it's fast and it's reasonable priced. I was just there a couple of weeks ago and had the steak and eggs for $7.00. Seven bucks! Show me anyplace where you can get a steak and eggs, a GOOD steak and eggs, for that kinda' ching?
That said, you know, Denny's has hotter waitresses. Much hotter waitresses. The kinda' waitress you don't mind harassing. Don't believe me? Look for yourself.
What should I do at halftime when the Grambling band is playing?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO BUT I CAN PROBABLY DETERMINE, YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU WILL DO. YOU'LL SPEND THAT ENTIRE AFTERNOON SCREAMING "PLAY 'STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON'" AT THOSE KIDS. PROBLEM IS, MOST OF THEM WERE FETUSES WHEN THAT SONG CAME OUT. YOU.....LOL......"NOT PLEASED."
Okay, that's it for me. Everyone have a happy and safe weekend and remember this. Not only did I stop caring and recruiting at Pitt, but I'm currently getting paid a shit-ton of money to sit on my boat, tip strippers and not do a damn thing. God bless America and it's rewarding of mediocrity. If you ain't making decent bank, you're just not trying hard enough to suck.
Questions and comments can be sent to AskWlat@gmail.com