Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Pitt Looks Forward to Syracuse
Pittsburgh - The Pitt Panthers lost a heartbreaker last week to Louisville. The team is looking to right the ship on Saturday as they host the Orange from Syracuse. Freshman QB Pat Bostic offered his thoughts. "What the fuck does Orange mean anyway? I went to visit that school and asked everyone; no one knew, not even that dickbag Boeheim. But he has a hot wife so I didn't get too upset."
Pitt running back, Kevin Collier, is from up-state NY and is quite familiar with Syracuse. "Those guys? Oh yeah, everyone knows about them. Pretentious assbags that think they're god's gift to everything, especially journalism. And you can't talk those people out of it - for some reason, they think central New York is relevant and the center of metropolitan life, as if they're a suburb of Manhattan. Nevermind the fact that it's a small, racist, shitty town in the middle of nowhere that's filthy and has zero industry. And they wonder why they can't get decent recruits."
Coach Wannstedt elaborated as well. "Oh yeah, we've got this one in the bag. You guys think I suck? Look at Greg Robinson - you won't find a more incompetent coach in college football, or any college sport. He had 6 guys taken in the NFL draft in 2005. 6! And that won him 1 gat-dam game in the previous fall. Shit - even I can win more than 1 game. Well, besides the '89 Cowboys, that is. Speaking of which..."
At that point we cut off the interview. We just can't another of Dave's crappy stories about the 80's. Fucker has more love for that time than Olivia Newton John, Mr. T, and Flock of Seagulls combined.
We received one more insight from local whacko and our favorite politician, Mark Rauterkus. "Just like my guarantee that I will win every one of the 278 offices I'm running for next week, I'm guaranteeing a Pitt victory on Saturday. Down with the establishment, go Pitt, and fuck PSU!" We love ya, Mark; don't ever change.