Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, October 4, 2007


Fields to Face Disciplinary Actions

Pitt hoops star Levance Fields had most of his charges dropped this week and plead guilty to simple assault. He also must spend 50 hours doing community service which means you may see him directing traffic or sweeping the streets of Oakland. He will not face any suspension from his head coach Jamie Dixon, but he was subjected to a little locked room with this song playing over and over:

Forfeit is not an option?

The Big Ten announced that Michigan will not have to forfeit their win over Penn State on Sept 22nd. Michigan used a player that was ineligible by Big Ten standards which baffled most of the college football world because many didn't think the Big Ten had standards when it came to Michigan and Ohio State. The player in mind is freshman defensive back Artis Chambers who is eligible per NCAA standards. Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany was elated about the news and had this to say:

"We here at the Big Ten are happy with the outcome of this unfortunate situation Michigan had to face. They needed a win, and they needed everyone involved eligible or ineligible. We weren't going to make them forfeit anyway because they need all the wins they can get before they play Ohio State at the end of the season."

"If Michigan had a losing record, we'd lose the television time and would have to broadcast their games on our crappy network that cable companies refused to screw over their customers to put on their basic cable package. Seriously, it's Michigan football. Do you think we'd penalize them anyway? Maybe Northwestern, but they're Northwestern. If anything, we'd make the players clean the Big House after each game."

Florida Fans gone mad?

Here's a classic reaction to the Florida Gator's loss on Saturday. This doesn't need a headline, but enjoy:

Note: You want to turn down the volume when viewing at work.

Rodriguez not Happy with New Big East

Rich Rodriguez made his displeasure with the new Big East known this week during a telepathic interview. The coach sounded off on the new three schools and their membership in the conference. Here's what the coach had to say:

"I'm not happy with how things have turned out with the new conference. South Florida has beaten us two years in a row and they're now ranked in the top ten. Louisville beat us and went to a BCS bowl leaving us to play in the Gator again. Cincinnati is now ranked. I originally didn't want most of these teams in our conference. Hell I wanted Marshall to join instead of South Florida. I'd rather have Central Florida instead of South Florida. I figured Cincinnati would just be the Temple of the new Big East. Instead, it's a battle between Pitt and Syracuse. What gives there? I mean I thought we'd have an easy time winning the conference with shitty teams and going undefeated with our lackluster out of conference schedule. Hell I took players based on their talent and not because of their academic and off field issues. I mean I could be coaching at 'Bama right now instead of being here. Then again, I'd be bitching about Florida, LSU, Auburn, and friends."


Anonymous said...

Will Florida fan ask daddy to transfer to WVU?

dr jimmy said...

Not sure about the transfer, that guy really needs laid, too much pent up frustration, no doubt about it.

If he was a Pitt fan he would go postal.