Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Sags on the beach: A Charlie Weis sighting

Somewhere on a beach (USA) - Following Saturday’s loss at Purdue, college football’s favoritest program, the Fighting Irish o’ Notre Dame, fell to a surprising (but nevertheless amusing) 0-5. Charlie Weis was reported by spies within the program to have disappeared from the stadium almost immediately following the game, citing that he “just needed some quiet, reflective time alone.” Unfortunately for him, Panther Rants photographers caught up with ol’ Charlie and snapped a shot of him lugging himself along. From the looks of things, it’s not only his pride that’s hanging low! Ha. We're funny.

Using ultra-high tech cameras initially designed to locate Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction, Panther Rants managed to scan the contents of Charlie’s jelly belly, and the finds were both shocking and titillating. As you can see from this computer-generated cross section, Charlie sure knows how to buck up his spirits after yet another embarrassing loss…by eating everything – and we mean everything – in his sight range.

The contents of his stomach were as follows:
1. 3 triple-cheeseburgers
2. A strawberry-banana milkshake, quadruple thick
3. A small child
4. A boxed DVD set of NBC’s “Heroes”
5. Wlat. The Magazine. (How he got the one and only issue is beyond us)

There you have it, folks. Not only is Charlie losing, losing, losing, he’s also eating, eating, eating. Personally, we feel sorry for the wheelbarrow

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