Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Slap 10 - October 8

10. Pitt Athletic Department (AGAIN!)
It's not bad enough for this week's game to be played on a Wednesday. Nope, we have to drag Curtis Martin back in the middle of the week in front of the 19 fans who still care enough to show up for the game. This couldn't be done for the Syracuse game, when you could make expect a decent crowd, or against South Florida, where the Bulls ranking should be enough to get some asses in seats. Nope, lets do this for the meaningless Wednesday night game against Navy. We really are the SMU of the Big East.

9. Austin Scott and the PSU media
If it's true that you sexually assualted a woman, which led to your suspension from the team this weekend, you should be locked in a room with Ed Orgeron, Bo Pelini and Ditka. The life of a collegiate football player is a spoiled one, what with coeds throwing themself at you, boosters giving you the 'ol $100 handhakes and the hundreds of dollars worth of team apparel that we common slaps have to pay for ourselves. Yet that wasnt enough for poor little Austin, apparently.


And you media types, It's now Monday night. Late Monday night. Why has no new information been dug up?

8. Wisconsin
Thanks for proving what we believed all along; that you really were the most overrated team in college football. Yet God forbid the pollsters drop a Fat 10 team after the squeak out wins against UNLV, the Citadel and crappy Iowa. Its not that Illinois is that good (don't tell the pollsters that, as they moved them up to 19 this week in the rankings), its that the Badgers really aren't that good.


7.ESPN-ABC
All the games available for the weekend and you give us Notre Dame versus UClownsLostAgain or Purdue and Ohio State. Congratulations, as more people probably watched the USC-Stanford ending on Versus and the end of Florida-LSU. Overrated, fat, slow, white boy football lives here.


6. Panthers Hotline
Ohh how we missed you. Some people's guilty pleasure is reality TV. For others, it's listening to Nickelback. For us, its the hodgepodge of idiots, nimrods and imbeciles that call the post game show after a Pitt game. "Eyy, yinz tink aht Pat Bawstick is gawnuh keep is jawb when Stull gets back? I tink is team'll be a lawt better wit Stull. Eyy, whayinz tink ahhbaht tem firing Cavanaw an' hirin' back Walt Airs tah be uhh cahwordinaytur..."


5. Miami
Once upon a time, the orange and green "U" on the helmet was intimidating in and of itself. Not so much anymore, as North Carolina rushed out to a 27-0 lead and never looked back Saturday in Chapel Hill against the Canes. Sadly, it looks like this school that always seemed to know which coordinator or smaller school coach to hire as its head coach (look at this progression from 1980 to 2000: Schnellenberger, Jimmy Johnson, Dennis Erickson, Butch Davis) has muffed the last two hires in Larry Coker and now Randy Shannon. If Miami cant get it together, what hope does Pitt have?


4. Boston College
This is the only Top 10 that you idiots should be in. The combined record of the Eagles five opponents has been 16-13, with one of those being UMass. And with an upcoming game against Notre Dame, BeeCee doesnt appear to be on its way back down to earth anytime soon. This might be one of the rare times in history that we at Panther Rants openly root for Notre Dame.


3. Pollsters
We warned you about Nebraska last week, but you didn't listen. Now you've put Illinois at 19 and Kansas at 20th? Have you even looked at Kansas' schedule? Here, take a gander:


KANSAS (5-0)
52 Cent. Michigan 7
62 SE Louisiana 0
45 Toledo 13
55 Fla. International 3
30 at Kansas St. 24

What's even sadder is that the Jaysucks play Baylor this week at home, while Wisconsin plays a potentially losable game at Penn State and Kentucky plays LSU. Stupid assed Kansas could be in the top 15 in the middle of October after winning six games against...no one.

2. Colt Brennan
Colt killed his Heisman Trophy chances this past weekend against Utah State, or New Mexico Tech, or whoever the hell they played. Colt passed for 250+ yards in the first half and then left shortly before halftime with an injury. Problem is his backup came in and went 8-for-8 and also threw for well over 200, proving once again that you could put any slap in June Jones' offense and they'd pass for huge yardage.

1. UCLA
The Bruins really are Pitt-West. They have the same basic blue and gold color scheme, play in an off-campus stadium that's half-empty most of the time and usually are mediocre at best. They're also a helluva lot better at basketball than they've ever been at football. And also, much like Pitt, they can't beat Notre Dame, not even the crappiest of crappy Notre Dame teams, which forced seven turnovers and won 20-6. Thanks for ruining our dreams of a winless season for the Irish, guys.

1 comment:

vito said...

More words of wisdom from the pg today, our leader, my hero, my number one slap.

With a three-game losing streak, Pitt (2-3) seems to be rapidly descending to the bottom of the Big East. The Panthers appear headed for a third consecutive season without a bowl game. A home loss to the Midshipmen (3-2) on national television would further damage Pitt and Wannstedt's reputations.

Wannstedt was asked last week if he thought the university's administration still had full confidence in him. He answered, "yes, oh yes, I am not even going to respond to that."

Give me a break, he is just an idiot who has no clue.

When Navy spanks them do you think he (DW) will finally realize that he cannot coach or will he make excuses and utter the famous last words, "i need more time", "run faster" or some other bullshit.