Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

INSIDE INFO: Pitt to scrimmage prison that just so happens to be full of ex-NFL stars

BLAWNOX-- With no game scheduled for this upcoming weekend, Panther Rants has learned that the Pittsburgh State Pantherdillos have scheduled a scrimmage for Saturday with a group of convicts that just so happen to be ex-NFL stars.

The team, made up of former Pro football greats Dick Butkus, Jerry Rice, Ed "Too Tall" Jones and former Pitt great Tony Dorsett will scrimmage the Pantherdillos Saturday around noon at the UPMC complex. Butkus has already offered to let the Pantherdillos work on its sputtering, inconsisent and straight-up boring offensive woes during the scrmmage.

"This is your homefield so, please, take the ball," Butkus told the team.
Butkus said that he anticipates a lot of hard-hitting in the scrimmage, both before, after and well after the whistle blows.

The Pantherdillos (2-3, 0-1 in the Big East) were unable to get its running game going and were plagued by defensive lapses in a 44-14 loss to Virginia in Charlottesville Saturday. The game caused Head coach "Straight Arrow" Dave Wannero to ask questions about his team's play.

"What happened? Who missed their assignment?" Wannero asked.
"Everyone missed their Goddam assignment," said defensive coach Paul "Rig" Rhoads.
The loss did not dampen the mood of starting tailback Larod Sinbad Howling, who felt that the team could benefit from a pick-me-up after losing three straight to Virginia, Connecticut and Michigan State.

"We paaaaar-taaaaaaay," he said.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Pitt... win... or I'll die