From the Department of Reality

As some have noticed (hi, Louisville and Heiser!), we like to use humor and satire to pick on Pitt, its rivals and other local teams. But sometimes, dammit, the truth is just more interesting. Such is the case with the latest news out of State College that...oh no! Someone vandalized the "Paternoville" sign! Our comments are in Bold.


By Erin Prah
Collegian Staff Writer

Graffiti was found this morning on a homemade Paternoville sign attached to the rock in the center of Gate A at Beaver Stadium.

The white sheet (Insert your own joke. It's too easy), lettered in blue tape to read "Paternoville 2007," was written over with red spray paint to say "border wars, Go Bucks, #1." The word "Paternoville" was crossed out.
The rock and the plaque on it commemorating General James A. Beaver also had some red spray paint on it that had seeped through the sheet.

The Paternoville sheet had been signed by six football players and the Nittany Lion and was going to be auctioned off for the Interfraternity/Panhellenic Council Dance Marathon.

Further proof that Penn State people are certifiable. Who the hell in their right mind buys this thing? And what the hell do you do with it when you do? Frame it and put it in your game room so you can try to explain to your non PSU Kool-Aid sipping relatives why you dropped $250 on a bedsheet?

Paternoville campers said they believe the sign was written on between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m. They filed a report with Penn State Police around 10 a.m. today.

University police Lt. Bill Moerschbacher said there are no suspects yet, and the incident is still being investigated.

Oh thank God. Please, catch these bastards. Forget about anyone who mugs, or rapes or drives drunk. Please pour all law enforcement resources into finding the culprits who vandalized a soaking wet bedsheet.

Lance Gawel (senior-information sciences and technology) took down the sign from the rock, bundled it up and stuck it in his group's tent.
Paternoville residents taped a new sign to the rock written in black and red marker that read "got class?"

That's a very good question. Do any of these "students" have classes this week? They've been camping out for a week. I hear a lot about school spirit, but it seems to be centered more on the "spirit" and less on the "school." Then again, didn't we all know that most people go to Penn State solely for football? I mean, beyond the football and great hotel and restaurant management major program, is there ANYTHING offered at this school that couldn't be obtained somewhere else, like Gannon?

Paternoville camper T.J. Jastrem (senior-landscape contracting) said he was the first camper to see the red graffiti.
"I got up at six and was the first to see it," he said. "It's really ballsy (you allow "ballsy" to appear in your student newspaper? I thought that this was one of the great student newspapers in the free world). I almost feel like we should keep it up and rally the troops with it."

Yes, rally the troops. I can hear Paterno now. "They might be bigger than us. They might be faster than us. They're ranked higher than us. But no one - and I mean NO ONE - comes into OUR HOUSE and vandalizes OUR $6.99 100-thread count Wal-Mart bedsheet!"

Leigh Ann Oleykowski (senior-public relations), who had made the "Paternoville 2007" sign and put it on the rock on Tuesday, said she wanted to take it down.

"I say take it down. It's embarrassing," she said.

It's a bedsheet

Gawel said he felt the same way.

"It's such a bummer," he said. "Everyone looks at it, and it makes them sad."

It's a bedsheet, you morons!!!!!!

Oleykowski said they will make another Paternoville sign.

The official Paternoville banner, hanging by the ticket booth rails, remains unscathed.