Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Slap 10 - Oct. 30

10. Mike Belotti's wife
We love us some drunk chicks here at Panther Rants. If it weren't for drunk chicks, some of us would never hook up. But Oregon coach Mike Bellotti's wife, Colleen, is a soccer mom loaded up on Jack, apparently. Portland Oregonian columnist John Canzano reported in his blog this week that he was basically assaulted by Ms. Bellotti as she complained about a story canzno wrote about her son getting for drunken driving. Oddly enough, Canzano alleges that Bellotti's wife had a few pops before the encounter.

9. Michigan State
So much for Sparty's new attitude with the hiring of Mark Dantonio and firing of John L. Smith. Michigan State has lost four of its last five (AAAAGAAAAAIN!!!!) and has Michigan coming up this weekend. With the season ending at Purdue and at home against Penn State for the much coveted Land Grant Trophy, Sparty could find itself at 5-7 and out of the post season for another season, which would probably not make this guy very happy.

8. Navy
Not only did the Midslapmen lose to Delaware this weekend, they allowed the Blue Hens to hang 59 on that ass. So much for any hope of Navy upsetting Notre Dame this weekend. And the sad part is that Navy has games remaining with North Texas and Northern Illinois. This stupid team could still qualify for a bowl, with a loss to Delaware. Why? Because they beat Pitt.

7. Tennessee
Make up your damn minds. Either you're a top 25 team of you aren't. Vols beat South Carolina and jump back into the top ten. A week earlier they were smoke by Alabama and fell out of the top 25. Two weeks before that they defeated Georgia to get back IN the top 25. Two weeks before THAT they were humilated by Florida to fall out.....You're like the teenager that can't decide between being inside or outside.

6. Ty Willingham
We like Ty. He seems like a decent enough guy. We've even given him a lot of leeway. Yeah, Washington lost to USC, Oregon and Ohio State, but he didn't have a lot to work with. Washington is still cleaning up from the mess left behind by Rick "World Series of Poker" Neuheisel. But there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for losing to Arizona.

5. Virginia Tech
Congratulations to the Virginia Tech Hokies for yet again showing why many of us giggle when we see your squad ranked in the top 10. Sold out stadium, top 5 opponent, "Enter Sandman," Bud Foster and his "Lunchpail defense," a 10-0 lead late in the fourth...and you completely deuced the bed. Just in time too, Tech. November begins Thursday.

4. Matt Cavanaugh
*sigh* How many times does Pat Bostick have to pass for over 100 yards in a game before you take the kid gloves off? How many times does this kid have to make amazing (by freshman standards) throws like the one Saturday that put Pitt at the 1 yard line before you get it? Then again, you had an offense geared towards throwing the ball with Palko and insisted on trying to run 37 times in the first half in 2005 so we really shouldn't be surprised. Sometimes I swear you're actively trying to get fired.

FUN STAT: Despite the kid gloves treatment, Bostick has thrown for 905 yards in the five games that he's played in. Now, we know damn well that many of those yards were in garbage time when Pitt was getting handled by UVa and Connecticut. But they also consist of all of the two yard bubble screens on third and 15. Bottom line, let this kid throw the damn ball down the damn field.

3. Penn State
ABC was nice enough to show us some rare behind the scenes footage of the Penn State team arriving for its game with Ohio State. While everyone else was probably fixed on Anthony Morelli getting off of the bus and firing up the crowd, we couldn't help but notice the bus itself. Penn State has an athletic budget of something like infinity. They have 21 home football games a season that almost always sell out. They were one of the first schools to sign a contract with Nike...and their team tools to the stadium in the same 1982 Blue Bird school buses that we all took to Falling Water on sixh grade field trips. We can't confirm this, but we're pretty sure that this is the same bus Eddie Murphy was in that flipped over 17 times in Another 48 Hours.

2. Mark Mangino
In the immortal words of Tony Soprano, "I think it's to to seriously consider salads, you fat fuck." Mangino is following the Andy Reid fashion pointers in that black is slimming. The problem is that there is nothing that could make Mangino other than losing about 250 pounds. What's more bizzare is that the outfits are getting more and more outlandish. Two weeks ago, our boy was sporting the black silky bowling shirt. Saturday, Mangino went full blown Vito Spadafore and wore the black velour track jacket. Mangino looked like one of those wanna-be mobsters that hangs out at Penn National Off-Track Wagering all day, smoking Pall Malls and drinking black coffee. And speaking of black....

1. Rutgers
The Rutgers Scarlet Knights debuted an all black uniform Saturday against West Virginia. If you missed it, they looked remarkably similar to Indiana's crap black from that Randal El days, Temple's crap black from the Walter Washington days, or Florida State's crap black from the current "we just wanna bilk more money from our fans" days. If Black's not a part of your school colors (and it's not, Rutgers. It's merely a trim color) you shouldn't be busting it out as a primary uniform color.

And given how fast your stadium cleared out during this blowout loss, I'm guessing we can put any talk of expanding Rutgers Stadium on hold.


vito said...

I'm waiting to see the jayhawks hoist him up on their shoulders and carry him off the field!

mangino! said...


Snoop Dog said...

When you’re in Tennessee, always remember that hometown rap song and chant after me "Phat Phil squeals"!