Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Slap 10 - October 15

Another week of college football and another week of random thoughts because of it.

10. Central Florida
Every year we hear about stupid schools that should be invited to join the Big East an central Florida is usually at the top of this list. We hear about UCF's 719,000 students, its location in Orlando and its new on-campus stadium that seats rouhly 700 people.
What we never hear, however, is about how UCF completely sucks at football, aside from a couple of seasons when they had Dante Culpepper. Maybe now, after South Florida's 64-12 ass-tuning of UCF we will.

9. Nebraska
Congratulations on becoming the Pitt of the Big XII as many fans were seen heading back to their RVs at halftime as Oklahoma "I'M A MAN" State built a 38-0 halftime lead en route to a 45-14 whoppin'. Of course, the common denominator in all of this is that Mr. Bubble Boy himself, former Pitt AD Steve Pederson, is now at NU. Much like Jeff Long, Pederson fired a coach who was liked by a few and hated by a few in order to reach that elusive, "next level." Much like Jeff Long, it's backfiring on him. So, for those Pitt fans that wonder sometimes how it would be had Pederson stayed at Pitt, just look towards Lincoln. He apparently isn't coated with Teflong after all.

8. Pitt
They didnt even play this weekend and we're still pissed off about Wednesday. Wannstedt's been clamouring for a power running game since he arrived at Pitt two and half seasons ago (though it now feels like 13 years). He finally gets a team that he can run on at will and he passes on third and fourth down. Its inexplicable, as is the explanation after the game. "We run this play in practice all the time and it always works," he said. Uh huh. between this and the reasoning behind the onsides kick at Virginia Pitt football's undefeated in practice this year apparently.

7. The Fat 10 conference
What a tremendous display of football between crappy Iowa and equally crappy Illinois yesterday. And again, the Fat 10 slurping media ranked Illinois 19th last week after its win over Wisconsin, which proved how much it sucks in a blowout loss to Penn State Saturday. And PSU had already proven how average it is with consecutive losses to Michigan and Illinois.
One of these days the media and pundits will figure out that the Fat 10 is the MAC in bigger stadiums...or at least we hope.

6. ESPN
Why would you hold College Gameday at a game that wasn't even being shown by ESPN? And why in the hell was Duke-Virginia Tech and Georgia Tech-Miami televised in the northeast but Oklahoma/OU and Texas A&M/Texas Tech were not? With the expansion of ESPN to about five networks and Fox Sports there's no reason that every ranked team shouldn't be on expanded basic cable. Georgia Tech and Miami? Who in the hell is watching this?

5. Rocket Ishmael
Way to reperesent your school on National televison, you tard. Interviewed on the sideline during yet another Notre Dame loss to Boston College, Ishmael blurted out at one point, "Go Irish, WHAT!?" First of all, dude, "What" for black men is now what "you go girl" for white women; it's cliched. Secondly, how old are you now? 35? 40? Yelling out "What" like you're Ludacris? Grow up.

4. Rich Brooks
Rich Brooks is a boring looking guy. He looks like that uncle that you only see at Christmas that's always bitching about blacks and affirmative action. But I think it's time that we come around to belief that Rich is a damn good coach after Kentucky's three overtime win against top-ranked LSU Saturday. Of course, Urban Meyer and Florida will probably hang 60 on them next weekend.

3. Georgia
The Bulldogs squeaked by host Vanderbilt last night 20-17 and then promptly ran to midfield to dance on the Vanderbilt logo, in a trendy display of gamesmanship that is both annoying and stupid. "Yo' man! We'll show them! We'll dance on some grass with paint on it! YEEEEAH!"
UGA players will of course revert back to third grade and say "Well, they did it to us last year." Yeah, because you suckasses lot to Vanderbilt at home last year. Anytime Georgis loses at home to Vanderbilt the Commodores should be permitted to not only dance on the "G," but take home the players' girlfriends.

2. Ohio State
Hey! You scrubs! This isn't the Ohio State Cockslap Conference. How the hell is this team ranked number one with a schedule like this:

OHIO ST. (7-0)
38 Youngstown St. 6
20 Akron 2
33 at Washington 14
58 Northwestern 7
30 at Minnesota 7
23 at Purdue 7
48 Kent St. 3
Further proof that the college football media is still enamoured with midwestern slow, fat, white boy football in general and the Fat 10 in specific. At least the Ohio State team that won the BCS played NC State and Texas Tech out of conference. And a glance at the Buckeye's remaining schedule shows games at Ohio State and Michigan and home games against Purdue, Michigan State and Illinois. In other words, there isn't one game we really see these guys losing. Which means Ohio State from a weak-assed Fat 10 could again be in the BCS title game.

1. Kevin Riley
Riley cost the Cal Bears (and its luscious dance team) a shot at a National Title last night when he scrambled instead of throwing the ball away with time running out against Oregon State. But unlike the sissy up in State College, he took his punishment like a man. From the Associated Press:

“It hurts,” said backup quarterback Kevin Riley, whose failure to throw the ball away on the last play cost Cal a chance at overtime. “I’m hurting and the team is hurting right now, but we can still win the rest of our games. In this college football season, you don’t know what the hell is going to happen.”

What's going on when a backup QB from Cal can be dignified in a loss but the senior starting quarterback from Penn State can't?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Run faster!!!!!!!!

greg m said...

My question to Panther Rants

Can the current QB from PSU string more than 2-3 words together that makes any sense?

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Unclear, as he's kept more guarded than the Lindbergh baby.