Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Panther Rants News and Notes

BLACKSBURG, Va. -- Sources close to Virginia Tech and Panther Rants have confimed that VT defensive coordinator Bud Foster has been given a new lunch pail for his "Lunch pail defense."

The new pail (pictured right) is in response to the Tech D's candy-assed performance against No. 2 ranked Boston College Thursday night. With Tech ahead 10-0 late in the fourth quarter, the defense allowed Boston College to score two late touchdowns to secure a 14-10 win. The defense was also a non-factor in September's blowout loss to LSU.

Another rumor circulating is that Foster is also being asked to shave off his Jim Rome-look alike prison pussy goetee so that he will appear "softer" on the sidelines, just like his unit's coverage was last night.

BOSTON -- Despite BC's big road win against Tech, no one in New England cared.

Probably because no one in New England watched. Overnight Neilsen ratings showed that the game scored a .001, meaning one poor bedridden bastard at a Massachusetts VA Hospital was forced to watch the game because his nurse call button was broken. Conversely, game two of the World Series between the Boston Red Sox and Colorado Rockies drew a 17 share. Re-runs of Cheers scored a .3.2. Re-runs of the New Yankee Workshop brought in a 1.1 share.

Interestingly, the Cartoon Network Adult Swim show "Squidbillies," which airs at midnight on the east coast, more than tripled the ratings for the Boston College game.

PITTSBURGH -- University of Pittsburgh head coach Dave Wannstedt spoke Friday about his game plan for stopping the Cardinals.
"Well, you gotta' keep the speed guys like Willie McGee and Vince Coleman off of the bases. They can make a walk feel like a triple with their ability to steal bases. And you really have to be careful how you pitch to guys like Tommy Herr and Jack Clark," Wannstedt said.
Wannstedt then went on to praise the coaching of Whitey Herzog and Red Schoendist before being reminded that, not only was the reporter asking about the Louisville Cardinals, but that most of the players Wannstedt was alluding to hadn't been with the St. Louis Cardinals for 15 years.
"Oh, man time flies huh? LaSorda still manages the Dodgers though, right?" Wannstedt said.

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