Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Slap 10 - October 2nd

The Slap 10 is usually posted on Sunday night after we've digested a full weekend of college football. But with this weekend's road trip to Charlotteville, we didn't get home until well after 3 a.m. on Sunday and then had a full workload on Sunday evening at the job that actually pays us. Sure, we coulda' come home from work on Sunday night, brewed a pot of coffee and finished the job. But much like our coaching staff, we're just not that innovative, or dedicated, and we'd much rather make we're doing right now. So, without further delay, here's this week's Slap 10.

10. The slap in section 519 at George C Scott Stadium
I apologize to any Virginia or Pitt fans for this guy, even though I don't know him and never met him. This guy, who appeared to be in his early 20s, was decked out in an old-school Pitt rugby shirt, a Springsteen headband and wouldn't stop running his mouth. Not even when Virginia went up 30-0. The fine officials of the Virginia State Police had to pay a visit to the top of the stadium multiple times because of this guy's drunken antics. Nice going, bro.

9. Mike Leach
Yeah yeah, we know. You love putting up points. You love passing records, and receiving records and all that fun crap. But 75-7 on Directional Louisiana is just inhumane. But you can redeem yourself in a couple of week by beating those ball-hugging losers at Texas A&M.

8. The slap in section 519 again
Hey look, the fucking cops are here for you again. And you're still yelling "yeaaaaah Pitt, UVA sucks" even though we're trailing by three touchdowns. And you're talking shit and taunting some of the nicer fans in college football. Save that garbage for WVU or those imperious asses from Penn State or Notre Dame.You're an embarassment to the school, the city, your mother, your father, the illigitimate children you'll probably eventually conceive because you're so Goddam dumb and all of us. When people at that game that were sitting in that section think of "Pitt fans," they're gonna think of your stupid dumb drunk ass. And get a haircut, Rod Stewart.

7. Matt Cavanaugh again
Another game, another loss and night of watching this offense attempt to rush its way back into a blowout game. Hey Matt, THROW THE GODDAM BALL DOWN THE GODDAM FIELD! If you really believe three-yard dumpoffs are gonna bring a team back from 23 down you're even dumber than we thought.

6. Fat Sports Writers and dumb coaches
Texas struggles with Central Florida, an overrated Texas Christian and Arkansas State and you put 'em at seven. Then this team loses to Kansas State and its a huge upset? Please. Texas has been playing like crap all season, they just finally got around to losing this weekend. And Boston College is a top 10 team because they beat UMass? Are you kidding me? And Hawaii should be permanently at 25 until they actually play someone worth a damn. And you idiots just cant get enough of Nebraska, can you? They get pummeled by USC and nearly lose to Ball State, but beat a lousy Iowa State team and you ram 'em right back into the top 25.

5. Steve Slaton and Pat White
You guys just dont do well with this whole, "big game" thing, do ya? Well, you did well with the Sugar Bowl in 05. Okay, you don't do well with this whole "Big game when you're favored" thing well, do ya? This "Heisman duo" was turnovertastic against USF. But look at the bright side: the pressure is off now that Paris Hilton has a better chance of becoming a nun than you folks have at winning a national title. So you can now get back to padding your stats against crappy teams like Mississippi State, Syracuse and, of course, Pitt.

4. Clemson
Congrats on your first of usually three dumbass moments in a 13-3 loss to Georgia Tech Saturday. We'll see you again probably when you play either Maryland or Virginia. I don't know why Clemson ditched Pitt's agreement for a home and home earlier in the year. Clemson's the Pitt of the ACC, with its glory years under Danny Ford over 20 years behind them.

3. Anthony Morelli
I don't care that you threw three picks and had a fumble. It's your life, it's your job, it's your team, and it has no impact on my life. What I do care about is that, if you have any dreams of making the NFL, or even being a productive member of society, you better learn to take criticism. How dare your pussy senior ass hide from the media after your dismal performace? What? You can face a pass rush but not a buncha sportswriters with coffee breath? Bitch.

2.Dave Wannstedt
You sir, are a putz on ice. An onsides kick to start the game? With this "Bend and break" defense having to defend the ball at its own 39-yard line? Against a spread option offense? And if this was your plan all week why were the players saying they didn't know anything about it until minutes before the game? Putting you and Cavanaugh in charge of an offense, any offense, is as smart as having Courtney Love and Lindsay Lohan run a methadone clinic.

1.Mike Tranghese
Great game between USF and WVU on Friday night, Mike. Just one problem: Knock it off with these Friday and Wednesday games. The conference has come along well enough that it's unnecessary. And Fridays nights are for three things: (a) High school football (b) going out and getting drunk (c) pumping your girlfriend to make up for you watching football all day Saturday.

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