Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

McCoy keeps running, pulls team bus back to Oakland

LOUISVILLE (PR) - Pitt freshman sensation LeSean "Shady" McCoy put together yet another memorable performance against the Louisville Cardinals on Saturday. Despite fumbling on the Louisville 1-yard line late in the game with the score 24-17 Louisville, McCoy still managed to carry Pitt's collectively pathetic offense on his back with 120 yards rushing and a touchdown.

After the game, Strength Coach Buddy Morris saw a perfect opportunity to utilize McCoy's momentum as "Shady" had already started running on I-264. In keeping with his militarisitic, sadistic, and borderline criminal training techniques, Morris strapped McCoy to the front bumper of Pitt's team bus and had him continue running all the way back to the Pitt campus.

"This is what we've been waiting for, a superstar running back," said Morris. "Now I can mold 'Shady' into a crippled quadriplegic with my proven methods." Injured Head Coach Dave Wannstedt echoed Morris' praise. "Ya know, Shady looks a lot like Steve Walsh out there from the '87 Canes...he was a running back, right? Well anyway, Buddy'll have him in a wheelchair of pain soon enough...or maybe he'll just force him into an actual wheelchair. I just know that he was around in the past which means he must know what he's doing. I mean, how much could things change in 20-something years?"

Morris plans to have McCoy pull the team jet as a part of his progressing workouts by December, regardless of the fact that Pitt makes a bowl game or not. "He WILL be pulling that thing over an ice-covered Mt. Washington in the driving snow, and I'll be yelling everything about his mother and how much of a pussy he is until he makes it...and if he breaks his leg, then it proves that he's weak and he'll just haveta run faster."

11 comments:

Earl Bruce said...

They just passed us on I70 heading east toward Cambridge, boy that shady kid is fast!

Dick Vermeil said...

Almost had a messy run-in with Julius Jones just outside Pittsburgh...gotta watch in those construction zones

Bill Fralic said...

Hell he's on I79 heading north!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the least funny thing I've ever read. When something is described as "The Onion of...," 99 out of 100 times that it means it's going to suck, and this blog is certainly no exception.

Please stop.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Anonymous, you are handsome.

Paul Pasqaloni said...

Anonymous,

You must be an orange fan!

No sense of humor!

Dumb Ass Dave said...

We finally made it back to Oakland, I am having Shady sent out to the airport to pull the jet around.

Anonymous said...

is shady pulling wannstedt's golf cart around this week?

dumb ass dave said...

Dat's a great idea!

Anonymous said...

Since that bullshit from louisville happened a little while ago, this place is not famous. Good job guys, always get a good laugh out of this site.

Anonymous said...

now famous i meant