San Jose - Wlat Harris was apprehended in a local strip club today by authorities. A warrant was issued by the court of College Football Mediocrity charging Mr. Harris with 4 separate charges: mediocrity in college football recruiting, mediocrity in college football gameday execution, mediocrity in football skank selection, and the most serious charge, first degree mediocrity overall as a college football coach.
Mr. Harris refused comment as he was taken into custody. His lawyer, Rand Om Joo, stated that Harris is not guilty and will fight all charges. Bail has been set at $600,000. An arraignment will take place as soon as possible at the nation's high-seat of football mediocrity, Stillwater, Oklahoma. Pantherrants will be keeping you updated on the developments as they unfold.
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