Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Ask Wlat - June 20

Dear Wlat,

If you were a car, what kind would you be?


A Slightly Above Average Filipina Chick


You know that’s a really hard, you know…um question. Then again you know what part of hard I mean. I’m not talking beating Furman hard, the ability to defend the spread offense hard or even 2001 season hard. If you think about…there’s a lot of you know options of how hard this question is just like it is to define the kind of car I am.

One option is the Acura Legend. The reason why is because let’s face it: Heroes get remembered and Legends are never forgotten. Fans…err I mean women…never forget me. Just like an Acura, every ride will be smooth and just like Foreigner…it will you know, feel like the first time.

Another option is the Cadillac Escalade. Escalades are the upper tier of the SUV. They are expensive and well equipped….and can pick up you know, expensive waitresses at Five Star restaurants. Then again, if you think back to 2003….that team…was like the Escalade of my era. Only difference is I couldn’t land five star talents with it so I may not land five star tail being an Escalade.

In the end, the car I would want to be is a 1991 Hyundai Excel. It’s the car of choice for, you know, many waitresses at Denny’s. I could see myself being that car seat and feeling that, you know, warmth of a waitress after her graveyard shift just ended smelling of Camel cigarettes and hash browns.

Speaking of that, I’m hungry for a Denny Burger combo just now. Always remember, that the car you chose is not the car want. It is the car you envision yourself being. You got two choices: you can get screwed by a dealer or you can get screwed by……

I really got to go…the Denny Burger Special is almost over…

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