Pitt, Hollywood Join Forces

Hollywood, CA - Executives from Warner Brothers Studios announced a unique development deal with the University of Pittsburgh. Spokesperson, Irving Liebowitz, stated, "Thanks to the hard work and effort of the good people of Pittsburgh, we are committed to using all of our resources to make a fantastic film."

Flanked by Liebowitz was William Strickland, Jr. of The Steeltown Entertainment Project. "We have worked hard over the years to bring the western Pennsylvania region into the entertainment industry. This is a big day for us. All of our hard work payed off when Warner Brothers approached us about doing a story involving former Pitt Head Football Coach, Wlat Harris with Steven Spielber directing."

Liebowitz continued where Strickland, Jr. left off. "Wlat Harris is a character of both comedy and tragedy. He's got market appeal. But he's also a very human personality that intrigues our audience. The film will be called 'Citizen Wlat. We have been wanting to do an updated version of Orson Welle's classic, 'Citizen Kane' and we could not think of a better person to base the epic on."

Pitt Athletic Director then discussed the project. "The original idea was to do a comic book type of film. We had decided on Thunderwlats, an adaptation of the 1980's television cartoon action series. Wlat was going to be half man, half panther leading his forces against the evil Mum-Ra, who would have been played by Joe Paterno. However, with the re-branding of Pitt's mascot to be a robotic, Jurassic period beagle, we could not go with a cat theme. Our branding is very important to us, of course. Even more so than winning, sales, and what our alumni and fans care about."

Director Steven Spielberg provided his vision for the upcoming epic. "It's a story that kids today aren't familiar with; but it's a story that needs told. And what character could better tell the tale than Wlat?" When asked about casting, Spielberg stated, "We are still in the early stages. However, we have Nick Nolte signed on to play Tom Freeman, merely for his ability to yell and holler for no apparent reason. The lead role of Wlat was a tough call. It came down to a large piece of wood and Chris Burke (Corkie from 'Life Goes On.') The large piece of wood is in many ways the best representation of Wlat. The lack of appendages, though, hampers the wood's ability to hold a clipboard. We tried gluing it on but it just didn't work. Nonetheless, we're happy to have someone like Corkie, I mean, Burke for the role. He matches Wlat in almost all ways."