Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Maas arrested; Long "pleased"

Former Pitt All-American BillMaas was arrested over the weekend on weapons and drug charges in Illinois, but Panther Rants has learned it may have all been an elaborate scheme.

According to an anonymous source inside the Pitt Athletic Department, Maas arranged to be arrested through an elaborate scheme that involved the Pitt AD as well as the Illinois state police. The idea, apparently, was another stroke of brilliant marketing conceived by the Pitt Athletic Department.

According to the Pitt source, marketing guru Chris Ferris had taken notice of all the attention West Virginia has received thanks to its infamous alumni Adam "Pacman" Jones and that receiver who plays in Cincinnati ... uhm, you know who we're talking about ... uh ... Chris Henry. Yeah, that's who it is.

Ferris and Long agreed that all publicity is good publicity and then went shopping for a patsy.

"Marino, Dorsett, Fitzgerald, hell even Goose was approached and they all turned them down," the Pitt source said. "Maas was hesitant. But when it came down to it, his love for the blue and gold and a 27-year-old hooker was enough to get him to agree. I mean, hell, what 44-year-old doesn't want the stories about his arrest to show he's still pumping much younger chicks?"

The plan backfired, to an extent, because the plot was only supposed to involve marijuana. Maas apparently forgot that he had his own stash of coke and "E" on hand and is now facing real charges in addition to the fake one.

"Long and Ferris were 'high-fiving' in the office over the weekend," the source said. "When someone pointed out that Bill would face real charges as well, neither seemed to be phased at all. They were just thrilled to see 'Pitt' and 'All-American' in the same sentence of an article that published nationwide."

Word has it that Long and Ferris even went as far to outfit Maas in a hat featuring the new "Hyena-Dog" logo for the staged (and real) arrest. The source said Ferris announced that the whole scheme played out "better than expected" and that Long said he was "pleased" with the results.

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