Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Life and Death at Petersen Events Center

PITTSBURGH (PR) - Panther Rants has learned, by way of a little birdie, that the Steve Pederson-introduced DinoCat and torch-cut Pittsburgh logo marble flooring at the entrance of Petersen Events Center will be taken off life support within the next week. Initial reports indicate that Pitt AD Jeff Long will be administering the euthanasia procedure to the dying breed of cat, which comes as a shock and mortal sin as viewed by religious right wing politicians and to DinoCat torch-cut fans spanning the nation.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, coming to Panther Rants in a vision for a post-mortem interview, expressed the outrage of his Moral Majority constituents. "As good, honest, trustworthy Christians, we are absolutely appalled by this decision by the University of Pittsburgh Athletic Department," Falwell said. "We are currently gathering facts as to this situation and building a strong foundation to ensure that the DinoCat Torch-Cut Pittsburgh logo is kept alive. Besides, Jeff Long isn't even a doctor. He's actually legally incompetent...ah, **** it, he's retarded, so he really shouldn't even be an athletic director, let alone a doctor." Falwell added while taking a break from his latest issue of Penthouse and eating pudding. "DinoCat deserves to die by natural causes...which studies show it has been clearly doing since 1997."

Panther Rants will continue to provide up-to-date coverage on this developing story.

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