Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Clarification on Pitt Football Rumor

Pittsburgh - A prominent Pitt football player was allegedly involved in a messy incident over the weekend. Reportedly, several other players participated.

Pantherrants has learned that the players in question had a very normal Saturday of working out really hard and studying. After these typical time consuming activities are done, players will spend the rest of their day praying intensely or engaging in good deeds in the community. In order to better their community, these players often pray with other students. Therein lies the problem.

Late on Saturday night, allegedly, a Pitt player was praying with one of the co-eds. She agreed to participate on a limited basis: a Hail Mary here; an Our Father there. The player in question then attempted to do some Rosary prayers and even suggested some Latin sayings. The girl in question was overcome with the spirit of the Lord and tried, but failed. In an effort to help the poor girl become closer with Jesus, the Pitt player, allegedly, asked some of his friends to help the girl with her prayers. In the end, this was their undoing. Father Kennedy weighed in. "Everyone knows the Pitt football players are closer to God than anyone else on campus. They should have known that a simple girl couldn't handle the intensity of the Holy Spirit."

These scathing remarks highlight the irresponsibility of the players in question. Hopefully they will learn that sometimes a Hail Mary means just a Hail Mary and nothing more.

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