Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Enter the Ruin the Hoopies' Season Zone



Welcome Panther faithful to the Factor for this Monday, November 26th, 2007. I'm your host, and I'm always in my seat 90 minutes before kickoff, particularly when it is time for the Brawl. We'll gloss over last Saturday's debacle versus UBG. Suffice to say, the defense once again got ZERO assistance from the offense (speaking of which, did Pat Bostick get drafted by the New York Giants?). We here at the factor again state that if the offense and defense finally get on the same page for one 60-minute stretch, this team could MAKE PLAYS and win games. But now we turn our attention to West Virginia and the 100th edition of the Backyard Brawl, the subject of this week's He Who Went to Bowl Gaming Points Memo.

West Virginia. Those two words conjure up a wide range of images, from this:


to this:


West Virginia. Home of people who chant at UConn hoopers, "Go back to Africa". Home of people who print up t-shirts like this. We here at the Factor could not think of a citizenry or fan-base more deserving of being ranked #2 in the BCS than West Virginia's. This is a football program that recruits only the highest quality student-athlete (right). Their freshman running back has fathered more kids before age 19 than most Sultans have in their lives. My 6th grade biology class was more rigorous than most WVU science classes. Their football coach fools around almost as much as He Who Went to Bowl Games and keeps playing the WVU administration to get raises. Their offense is more of a gimmick than the single wing. There is no earthly reason anyone outside of the 500,000 inhabitants of West Virginia and their 2,000,000 teeth should be rooting for WVU this weekend. And indeed, this is being borne out, as fans of college football everywhere are rooting against WVU this weekend. Hell, the Factor has friends from Beijing who are rooting against WVU, and they couldn't tell a football from a bowl of gumbo.

The challenge ahead of the Panthers this weekend looks daunting. WVU is better defensively than last season, and their offense is humming like a Morgantown coed on Rich Rod's scrotum. The Panthers need to take care of the ball this weekend. As much care as Rich Rod takes to keep his little black book from his wife. The Panthers need to play solid positional defense, as solid a defense as WVU invests in keeping Pat Lazear out of prison. If Pitt does not beat themselves this weekend, the game will remain close.

Stay tuned to Panther Rants this week as we bring you even more reasons to dislike WVU, and the hard-hitting analysis you need to feel confident about your beloved Panthers going into this weekend. And fear not, true, your beloved Panthers have become the team who sucks, but who can ruin other teams' seasons. It may be depressing to see a once proud program reduced to such levels, but be heartened Pitt fans, for Hoops season is upon us.

6 comments:

George Hall said...

If the University of Pittsburgh would spend half as much time on game time preparation as you did on this post, you may have actually won a a few games this year and went to a bowl game.

Home for the holidays.

jenny craig said...

George, your a fat ass bald old man!

It looks like you spend alot of time preparing to eat at Denny's with WLAT!

Call me please!

the other smooteer said...

52!

vito said...

George,

Only gay women and old drunk fucks who cannot let go of their childhood play softball. What category do you fall into?

What has 95,000 eyeballs and 76 molars?

The home crowd at a sold out football game in Morgantown! Please note that these statistics exclude the football players and visiting fans.

Fuck you and fuck your mother who could be your sister or aunt you fuck!

West Virginia sucks but MORGANHOLE SWALLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Empty Yellow Seat said...

@george get crippled.

J. Johnston said...

LOL, Pitt.