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Thursday, November 1, 2007
Pittsburgh - Pitt medical researchers were asked to evaluate a special blood sample from NBC commentator and Syracuse alum, Bob Costas. Dr. Nelson discussed the problem. "Mr. Costas went in for normal bloodwork. The lab found some strange anomalies and asked us to investigate."
Nelson said that after detailed investigation, Costas' blood cells, both red and white, contain actual assholes. "We've found that Mr. Costas in fact can not help himself. He literraly has assholeness in his blood. To expect him not to act like an asshole is like asking Wlat not to hit on Denny's waitresses. It's in their blood; there's no fighting nature."
Dr. Nelson then speculated that the problem isn't isolated to Mr. Costas. "Frankly, we've suspected that Syracuse folks are inherently assholes for quite some time. We'll be drawing samples from other alumni for confirmation."