Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Serious Question

The Slap 10 is taking the week off since we only got to see about three games all weekend. However, the state of this athletic department has forced me to do something that I never thought that I would have to do on this blog:

Be serious.

Sure, we’ve spoofed the bad football, the silliness of the coaches, and the outlandish goof-offery of the athletic department in the past seven months that we‘ve been in business. We’ve done almost everything and we have a helluva’ lot more coming. But there’s one issue that’s troubling me that‘s actually not fiction.

Jerry Cochran. Who the hell is this guy?

Every time a new committee is formed, Cochran finds his way onto it. Any time a decision needs to be made involving athletics, there he is. And yet no one seems to know who is he is. I’m solely convinced that Dick Cheney and he are the same person. Hell, I’ve never even seen Cochran at all. Nordenberg I’ve at least met in person. But this guy? I’m pretty sure this is him over on the right.

Actually, that’s not fair. This is actually his picture, listed on the Allegheny County Bar Association web site. So, apparently, he’s a lawyer. Ohh thank God. I was starting to worry that 117 lawyers at the school as administrators wasn’t enough. At least I know we have one more in the bullpen now. Maybe we can sue our way into the BCS Championship.

The problem is that I don’t know much else. I know that Chancellor Nordenberg was born in Duluth, Minnesota and arrived at the school of law in 1977. He was named interim Chancellor in 1995 and officially became Chancellor a year later.
But Cochran? For all we know this guy got the job because he won a coloring competition (and if that is the case, congrats to you. Staying inside the lines was always such a pain).

And we have no idea what this guy’s qualifications are for being involved with and indirectly running an athletic department. He’s now on the verge of being the chairman of a committee to hire an athletic director for the second time in five years. Yet I have no idea if he knows whether a football is stuffed or inflated. I have no idea if he knows whether or not collegiate athletics is a multi-million dollar business or still believes these are the good old days.

I’m not saying that he should resign, or step aside or go away. Well, not yet. I’m just curious about the man’s qualifications and his vision for the athletic department. Or whether he has a vision at all, because clearly what we’ve been doing the past four years or so, at least with our largest revenue sport, isn’t working.

All I want is a press release, a statement, a friggin’ sound byte. Anything. Cochran has spoken before about the school’s building plans, defense on positions that the University has taken and other matters. But when it comes to athletics he becomes more like Jerry Cockroach because he scatters the minute the light is shined in his direction. He allegedly just slips into a room for a few months and then we’re presented with something or someone that is supposed to make a difference.

So Jer, do us a favor

  • Show us that you’re a real, live human being. Don’t be a stranger, bro. We at Panther Rants love people. Hell, we even love ol’ (He Who Went To Bowls), and we’ve been pickin’ on him since Paleozoic Era.

  • Find some way to get out there your background and ideas for the athletic department. Even if they clash with what we want, so be it. At least we know what the hell they are. For all we know now you have a $20 bet with someone that you can kill the football program within eight years. (And if you do, you currently appear to be winning)

Being that the University accepts, spends and builds with taxpayer money I only believe it’s fair. Unless of course there’s something to hide. Like this guy got the position because he did the best job coloring the sun.


Anonymous said...

I knew his son a few years ago (late 90's). His son worked as a bartender and thought he was the coolest guy in the strip district.

His entire identity was being a bartender (he would tell girls he was going to law school, etc. - all lies). The last I saw him, he was still working in bars. Total coked out loser.

wool said...

maybe you should invite him to a tailgate?

vito said...

It hit me late last night!

Rhoads and Wanny have pictures on this guy!

How else can you explain?

How does sorry ass Rhoads and loser Wanny keep their jobs?

dr. jimmy said...

He is the evil twin of Joe Paterno separated at birth to keep Pitt in the blogs of mediocrity until the year 3000!

he who went to bowl games! said...

You sure his name isn't Jerry Cockhead?

he who went to bowl games! said...

Oh, sorry, You sure his name isn't Jerry Cockhead?, Ya know!