Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Slap 10 - Nov. 12

The Slap 10 took a week off last week after the Pitt-Syracuse game bored us to sleep for the week. What readers noticed was that the Slap 10, Mediocre Athletics factor, Wannstedt press conference and other items did not make it onto the blog last week. What readers did not see was that, the play of these two teams bored us so much that we slept through three days of work, missed the weekday games and woke up just in time to see our significant other leaving with some guy named "Dirk"....or maybe it was Kirk. Who knows? We were half awake.
Regardless, here's the 10 things we noticed this week in college football.

10. Nike
Apparently there was a memo distributed throughout college football this weekend, reminding the to wear their ugliest. West Virginia broke out its "Banana Incest" line of attire while Georgia pulled a Calvin pissing sticker on tradition and wore an all black jersey. Both of these schools are Nike schools, of course, the same school that gave you Purdue's all urine gold from a couple of years ago and Florida State in all black despite the fact that black isn't an official school color. The only thing Nike did right this weekend were the Cal throwback uniforms, and that's only because they looked like old school Pitt.

9. Tom Osborne
Tom's been brought back to Huskerland to replace our least favorite person in Pitt history, Steve Pederson. Osborne, however, isn't very high on the favorite list either, with his lack of discipline in regards to Christian Peter, Lawrence Phillips and a host of other thugs that were on his powerhouse teams of the 1990s. But that has nothing to do with why we're annoying by him now. Tom, we know you support "Big Red," but lose the damn red blazer. You look like the televangelist we all have woken up to at 4 a.m. when we fell asleep on the couch with the TV on.

8. Sly Croom
Major props to Sly, who upset overrated Alabama 17-12 Saturday to get the Bulldogs to 6-4 and bowl eligible. With games against Arkansas and Ole Miss upcoming, Mississippi State could finish with eight wins.

7. Temple
Speaking of uniforms, could you guys pick one and fucking stick with it? A few years ago it was a pissed off owl logo. Then it was back to the old "T." Now we have the slashes on the pants and the school name on the helmet. What next year? Maroon jerseys, white pants and a picture of Mark Macon on the helmet? You guys are worse than Pitt.

6. Fat 10
As much as we would have loved to see Ohio State get throttled by LSU or Oregon, we were damn glad to see the top two in the Fat 10 go down this weekend. And we'd love to see Michigan beat Ohio State to finish the season, meaning the Fat 10 representative in the Rose Bowl would have a loss to Appalachian State. "Call your cable provider and tell them...."

5. Miami
We'd like to officially thank the Hurricanes for participating in this year's college football season. Please pick up your commemorative, "check it out, we're the Fordham of the 21st century" t-shirts on your way out. Chalk up another loss, Dawg! The once proud Miami goes anally raped by Virginia -- not Virginia Tech, Virginia -- 48-0 to close the Orange Bowl. The Hurricanes will play about an hour away from campus next year at Dolphins Stadium, making it easier for its nouveau riche alums to attend but suffocating any student involvement. And while we're bitching....

4. Miami Police and City Council
The police announced last week that anyone caught stealing anything from the Orange Bowl would be prosecuted for larceny. They said they wanted fans to obtain the items "legally" through an auction. No, you wanted fans to obtain the items in the way that would line your pockets best. Listen, looting a stadium is what makes America great. And that built is owned by the city, meaning that it's upkeep is paid for by taxpayers....WHICH MEANS IT'S THEIR FUCKING STADIUM TOO!

So ya know what? Fuck you, City of Miami. You built two basketball arenas in less than 20 years for the Miami Heat because the first one didn't have enough luxury boxes for Wayne Huizenga's and he held you hostage. But you're gonna' prosecute anyone who steals a SIGN from the Orange Bowl? Know what? Steal a seat for you and me too.

3. Hawaii
This blog has always bee in full support of Hawaii football. They have provided necessary entertainment over the years late at night after coming home from the bars empty-handed. Who doesn't love the idea of football that starts at midnight? But dammit, this tea just can't make the BCS. Can't. I'm sorry. They've survived squeakers against crap teams like Louisiana Tech, San Jose State and Saturday allowed 30 points to Fresno State. Should the Warriors make a BCS game, not only will they only take about 1,000 fans because of the cost of airfare off of the mainland, they'll set back the argument of non-BCS schools 18 years with the 66-6 ass-kicking they'll receive.

2. Mike Leach
We like Leach because he's crazy. He has a weird obsession with Blackbeard and pirates in general and is Steven Wright if he were a football coach. But Leach crossed a line when he bitched about officiating in Texas Tech's 59-43 loss to Texas Saturday. “Am I condemning the crew? Hell yeah, I’m condemning the crew," he said in a post game rant. hey Mike, am I condemning your defense? Hell yeah, I'm condemning your defense. You scored 43 points and you wanna' blame the refs? Try tackling someone.

1. Wyoming coach Joe Glenn
Glenn lost his cool when Utah kicked an onsides kick up when they were beating the Cowboys 43-0 and gave the Utes the finger? Thats not what we take issue with. We take issue with the fact that he apologized for it Monday.

“I also want to apologize to all fans for that action. Football is an emotional game, and I let my emotions get the best of me,” he said. “I felt it was appropriate for me to let my team and all fans know that I am truly sorry for that emotional moment.”

No Joe, when any team onside kicks against yours when you're losing 43-0 you're allowed to flick 'em off, moon 'em or masturbate on their field as far as we're concerned. Yes, we're aware that Joe Glenn "guaranteed" a win against Utah, but that's a coach's job; to instill confidence in his team. What Utah did in response was straight-up classless. But, having met Utah people at the 2005 Fiesta Bowl, we're not surprised.

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