Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Callahan Nominated for Slappy


Pantherrants would like to introduce our readers to the Slappy Awards. This is a new awards ceremony dedicated to greatness in being a slap. There will be many categories, which we will figure out later. Look for the awards ceremony in the future. In the spirit of the prestigious trophies, we will be nominating players, teams, individual performances, etc. until we have our official ceremony after the season.

Our first nominee is Nebraska Head Foosball Coach, Bill Callahan. Bill trotted out his Nebraska team this past weekend against the mighty Kansas Jayhawks. Yeah, Kansas; the team Nebraska had beaten 500 out of the last 501 games or something of that nature. Nebraska has countless All-Americans, championships, academic cheating, and leads the league in arrests, including roid rage assaults, rapes, and general slappery. Kansas never won a dam thing besides the occasional state championship after beating Kansas State, which hasn't happened a whole lot either.

Now, admittedly, KU is a good team this year. But they're still Kansas. And they still have a head coach that should be on Springer as the guy that's too fucking fat to get out of his house. So what happened? Callahan's black-shirt defense gave up the most points in school history (76).

And if you're wondering, this is the same Bill Callahan that coached the Raiders a few years ago. The guy that prompted Raiders players in mid-season to go to executive leadership and state that they were not showing up to work the rest of the season if the coach wasn't changed. The Raiders stink, etc. But when has that ever happened in sports to you, good reader's, memory. Brilliant hire, Pederson. The good news is that both will soon be in the unemployment line; and they won't be leaving that line any time soon.

So Bill Callahan you are officially nominated for the following awards: 1.) Slap Coach of the Year, 2.) Slap Game of the Year, 3.) Slap of the Year, 4.) Biggest Asshole Slap, 5.) Slapholic (Slap Lifetime Achievement Award).

1 comment:

dr jimmy said...

Are you sure that isn't Alec Baldwin that Pederson hired?

Hell Nebraska football is catching us in moral victories.

Callahan is a minor slap! You have bigger Slaps to nominate!

I can't wait, is there any chance I can get on the voting or nominating group?