Slap 10 - November 18

Panther Rants couldn't be happier that this week is Thanksgiving. We love turkey, we love stuffing, we love being surrounded by moron relatives for a day to remind us why we only see these people once a year. It'll be extra nice this week because of three straight days of football, including Arizona State and USC on Thanksgiving night. In the meantime, here are a few things that we noticed this week. Some we laughed at. Some made us cry. Some, inexplicably, made us fart.

10. FAT SPORTS WRITERS
Someone please explain to me how a 7-4 Auburn team, that was off this week and royally killed by Georgia in its last game, creeps back into the top 25 when 8-4 Texas Tech and 8-3 South Florida both posted wins yesterday? Do these idiots even bother to read the box scores in the newspapers that they work for?


9. JOE TILLER
Tiller wins this year's Frank Beamer award, since no one is better at starting 6-0 and finishing 7-5 than Joe. Tiller's still a vast improvement of Jim Colletto and the other tards Purdue has had over the years. But the fact remains that this guy is the shining pillar of mediocrity. Since making the Rose Bowl in 2000, Purdue has played in the Sun Bowl, the Champs Sports Bowl, and a buncha other crap bowls.

8. YAWYAWYAWYAWYAWYAWYAW...CLOCKRADIO!

7. Arizona.
The wildcats and winning again so it must be November. After starting 2-6, the Wildslaps have rallied for three straight wins. Arizona's that one guy we all know at work that dicks around Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday, only to go absolutely insane and have everything done by mid-day Friday.

6. Cal
The Cal Bears went from a quarterback scramble away from being ranked number 1 to losing five of its last six, including losses to UCLA, Ed Orgeron State and Washington. Cal's the one guy we know at work that pushes ahead on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday only to not even show up on Friday. Sometimes, he even takes a half-day on Thursday.

5. Pitt
Pitt has the most exciting team in college football, as they find a different way to lose or almost lose every single week. A month and a half ago it was an overthrown fade route in overtime when the freshman running back had run for about 806 yards. Then it was the freshman running back fumbling on the goal line against Louisville. And yesterday, we saw the fade route get called for offensive pass interference. Mix in starting the game with an onsides kick and you have a show that's only rivaled by Curb Your Enthusiasm for humor.

Pitt's the guy at the office that just doesn't give a shit, but wants you to believe that he does.

4. Hawaii
The Disgrace to Good Football Tour made its way to Reno, Nevada Friday night where The Rainblow Warriors needed a last second field goal to defeat the Nevada Wolfpack in a game that ended on ESPN about 17 minutes before College Gameday came on. In a rare smart move, the pollsters actually dropped Hawaii from 14 to 16 after the near-loss, as a couple of sports writers with indigestion from downing too much cheap press box food actually watched the game.
Thankfully, this farce should be ending Friday when Boise State makes its way to island.

3. Alabama
again And what the hell is the matter with you and your SEC brother, Florida, scheduling these bullshit games for mid-November? No one wants to see Florida play Florida Atlantic on the third Saturday of the month? People wanna' see games that matter. Not this garbage. So screw Bama, screw Florida and screw Duke too for scheduling a cupcake Notre Dame team.


2. Clemson
The Tigers have the biggest stadium in the ACC, the biggest fan base in the ACC and the smallest list of accomplishments in the ACC. The list didn't grow at all this weekend as Clemson once again choked when in mattered the most in a 20-17 loss to Boston Garbage. Clemson has now gone 16 years without an ACC championship, and has somehow managed to cock-tease its fan base for 23 of those.

1. Alabama
In case you didn't hear, Alabama, led by modern deity, Nick Saban, a true hero among men, who looks like Huey Lewis, lost to Louisiana-Monroe at home yesterday 21-14.The Tide, which was ranked in the top 25 by those MENSAs in the sports writing and coaching fraternity as recently as last week, dropped to 6-5 on the season.