Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Enter the Buttgers is still "turning the corner" to "sleeping giant" zone.
Welcome once again Pitt Panther faithful to the factor for this Monday, November 12th, 2007. I'm your host and I'm always in my seat 90 minutes before kickoff, especially when Pitt is about to take on the Buttgers Scarlet Gandolfinis. The Panthers are coming off of a bye week, while Rutgers put a very un-Veterans day-like whooping on the US Military Academy. This game will likely end up determining who finishes 4th in the Big East, and is the topic of this week's He Who Went to Bowl Gaming Points Memo.
Buttgers. Seriously? First of all, people bag on Pitt's schedule, but have you looked at Buttgers'? Buffalo? Norfolk State? Army and Navy? Jesus, Buttgers plays so many service academies you'd think they were Notre Dame. Buttgers has been the sleeping giant of college football since 1869. Unfortunately for fans of this program, Buttgers seems to have overdosed on Lunesta. The savior of this program, Greg Schiano (right), looks and acts like everyone's 7th grade gym teacher. We here at the Factor can only imagine what Buttgers' practices must be like. "Ok, Teel, I want you to get the garbage cans. Ray. Ray! Go get the tricycles. Time for three-wheeled basketball! Someone go get Underwood and Britt, tell them to stop watching 'The Toxic Avenger'". Classic. Epic. This is Buttgers Football.
And what on earth is with the chopping wood shit? Yeah Greg, keep chopping wood. One day that will be just as cool as Bud Foster's lunch pail (below left).We here at the factor aren't sure why young adults who are competitive by nature need ridiculous gimmicks to succeed. Our guess? These gimmicks cover up the stunning lack of ability that coaches possess. Coaches like Buttgers' very own Greg Schiano. How else, other than lack of coaching acumen, do you explain running a 5'7" running back 95 times per game? Saturday's game should be a classic battle of who can run the ball more in the least acceptable situations. It may be the first time in recorded history that there are no punts, as Schiano and Wannstedt try to out ground game one another, calling delayed wrap-around draws on 4th downs rather than admitting their respective running games aren't getting the job done.
There really is very little to like about Buttgers. They're a classless fan base, berating the Midshipmen with language a sailor would be embarrassed to hear on the deck of the USS Lincoln. They have their B-list celebrity, the hideous, bear-like alternative to Kentucky and Ashley Judd in James Gandolfini. Fewer people in the greater New York City area care about Buttgers football than care about Columbia, Fordham, and St. John's football combined. Pitt fans complain about our attendance, but at least Pitt plays in a facility than seats more than 4,500 people.
So in conclusion, Buttgers, like the 98% of New Jersey not encompassed by the Princeton campus, sucks. No two ways about that. Keep it tuned to Panther Rants all week as we breakdown the titanic match-up sure to set football back 2 decades.