Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Enter the Buttgers is still "turning the corner" to "sleeping giant" zone.

Welcome once again Pitt Panther faithful to the factor for this Monday, November 12th, 2007. I'm your host and I'm always in my seat 90 minutes before kickoff, especially when Pitt is about to take on the Buttgers Scarlet Gandolfinis. The Panthers are coming off of a bye week, while Rutgers put a very un-Veterans day-like whooping on the US Military Academy. This game will likely end up determining who finishes 4th in the Big East, and is the topic of this week's He Who Went to Bowl Gaming Points Memo.

Buttgers. Seriously? First of all, people bag on Pitt's schedule, but have you looked at Buttgers'? Buffalo? Norfolk State? Army and Navy? Jesus, Buttgers plays so many service academies you'd think they were Notre Dame. Buttgers has been the sleeping giant of college football since 1869. Unfortunately for fans of this program, Buttgers seems to have overdosed on Lunesta. The savior of this program, Greg Schiano (right), looks and acts like everyone's 7th grade gym teacher. We here at the Factor can only imagine what Buttgers' practices must be like. "Ok, Teel, I want you to get the garbage cans. Ray. Ray! Go get the tricycles. Time for three-wheeled basketball! Someone go get Underwood and Britt, tell them to stop watching 'The Toxic Avenger'". Classic. Epic. This is Buttgers Football.

And what on earth is with the chopping wood shit? Yeah Greg, keep chopping wood. One day that will be just as cool as Bud Foster's lunch pail (below left).We here at the factor aren't sure why young adults who are competitive by nature need ridiculous gimmicks to succeed. Our guess? These gimmicks cover up the stunning lack of ability that coaches possess. Coaches like Buttgers' very own Greg Schiano. How else, other than lack of coaching acumen, do you explain running a 5'7" running back 95 times per game? Saturday's game should be a classic battle of who can run the ball more in the least acceptable situations. It may be the first time in recorded history that there are no punts, as Schiano and Wannstedt try to out ground game one another, calling delayed wrap-around draws on 4th downs rather than admitting their respective running games aren't getting the job done.

There really is very little to like about Buttgers. They're a classless fan base, berating the Midshipmen with language a sailor would be embarrassed to hear on the deck of the USS Lincoln. They have their B-list celebrity, the hideous, bear-like alternative to Kentucky and Ashley Judd in James Gandolfini. Fewer people in the greater New York City area care about Buttgers football than care about Columbia, Fordham, and St. John's football combined. Pitt fans complain about our attendance, but at least Pitt plays in a facility than seats more than 4,500 people.

So in conclusion, Buttgers, like the 98% of New Jersey not encompassed by the Princeton campus, sucks. No two ways about that. Keep it tuned to Panther Rants all week as we breakdown the titanic match-up sure to set football back 2 decades.


Anonymous said...

among active ncaa running backs, ray rice is 1st in yard per game, but only 3rd in carries per game. he is second in yard, but only 4th in carries. he is also 4th in touchdowns.

if lesean mccoy ran as well as ray rice, he would have twice the carries per game.

rutgers has dumbass fans, yes, but 50 drunk frat boys do not represent our entire fanbase.

how else, other than coaching acumen, do you explain a dozen national coach of the year awards in a single year? Porn-stache has at least that many, right?

As to the stadiums, at least we have an on-campus stadium that belongs to us. And is named after us. And is planned to undergo expansion starting this summer.

Finally, New Jersey has some of the richest counties in the nation for a reason. The same reason Pennsylvania doesn't. It's because people like to live here, and people don't like to live in pennsylvania.

I don't even know why I'm on here talking to someone that seriously goes to sPitt. You guys have sucked for a long time, and you will suck for a long time. Even State Penn and JoePa is a more worthy opponent than Pornstache and his band of merry losers.

Good luck this week

Anonymous said...

by the way, you sound like you aren't really aware of the processes behind football scheduling. namely, the fact that they are done about 8 to 10 years in advance (for the most part).

we were making this years schedule based on who we thought we wanted to play 10 years ago, and who agreed to schedule us 10 years ago. and 10 years ago we sucked, much like Pitt now. so 10 years ago, we made ourselves a shitty schedule, much like Pitt now.

for us, at least, it's changing. i'm sorry you guys are gonna have to be shitty and schedule shitty teams until at least the end of 2008. that's when pornstache's contract expires, right? hopefully your school administration turns over and hires someone from rutgers because you're gonna need to find a good coach at that point.

Gandolfini said...

for a low-rent blogger from a sad sack doormat of a once-proud football program to be talking smack about RU is pretty weak... no, make that VERY weak

RU will finish third at worst and Spitt will likely battle Syracuse for whale dung honors... good thing you eeked out that dominating 20-17 win over Sadexcuse... you two are the boat anchors of the BE

River_City_Rivalry_Champs said...

Better to be "sad sack doormat of a once-proud football program" than a one-hit wonder. Buttgers is already on its way to restoring its proud tradition of pathetic football.

Paul Rhoads' Pogo Ball said...

You're not expanding a damn thing and you know it. That was proven when your stadium was half empty by halftime of the West Virginia game. That bandwagon will empty just as quick as it filled up. Believe me, we saw it in 2003.

Tell ya what: give us at least six straight years of sustained success, not just two, and then get back to us.

Anonymous said...

10,000 person waiting list for season tickets means we aren't expanding at a fast enough pace to satisfy demand.

go check the ncaa website. the articles are pdf's, so i can't link them, but look at our attendance figures. percentage-wise, we are consistently ABOVE 100% capacity recently. for 2007 we are third in percentage attendance-wise with an average of over 104%. in 2006 we averaged over 99%, with the louisville game setting the attendance record until south florida this year.

i guess you failed to notice the pouring rain when west virginia came up this year? even with that, we still packed in 105% capacity. yes, people started leaving in the second half because we were down by a hell of a lot, and it was still pouring, and everyone knows there is crazy traffic in new brunswick anyway, and rutgers football more than triples it.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

The Buttgers waiting list for football is more of a myth than the "you can't get tickets to the Pete for basketball" myth.

Also, I don't care when your Norfolk State contract was signed, you can't beat your chest about being some great team or "turning the corner" when you're beating 3 D2 teams per year.

Buggsy said...

Funny, you putting down Rutgers (Buttgers? What are you, 10 years old?) and New Jersey, when you root for a school in Shitsburgh, the asscrack of America.

Seriously, you make me laugh. Even the rest of Pennsylvania is embarrassed by Shitsburgh.

Your program has been in the decline for what...the last 5 years? What are you, racing Syracuse to see who hits rockbottom first?

Anonymous said...

you guys are still trying to spout your bullshit?

"Our waiting list for season tickets is nearly 6,000, and the few single game tickets available have been allocated to those on that list."

^ Our AD, Mulcahy, speaking in August before the season began.

"For the second consecutive season, Rutgers has established a new single-game and season attendance records at Rutgers Stadium. The most fans in school history – 305,775 – have entered the gates at Rutgers Stadium in 2007 to watch the Scarlet Knights.

Rutgers has averaged a school-record 43,682 fans per game in 2007. It marks only the second time in school history the Scarlet Knights have averaged over 40,000 fans per game. The 2006 season featured a single-game average of 41,112 fans.

The Scarlet Knights have played in front of nine consecutive sell-out crowds at home, the longest streak of consecutive sell-outs in school history."

^ Record attendance, with the season ticket waiting list getting significantly longer every year.

"All eight of this season's home games were sold out before the season even began, and the waiting list for 2008 season tickets stands at more than 9,000."

You guys happy now? I'm sure Rutgers, a public, state-funded university is lying about NCAA athletics attendance figures. As are many completely independent media sources such as the one i linked here, the AP, the NY Times, etc.

Way to look like idiots, you sweet ass Pornstache worshippers.

Anonymous said...

also, i forgot to add, why don't you look up a team's schedule before bashing it?

i couldn't give a shit about pitt football, much like the rest of the country. but i'm not going to make up lies about them.

name a year when we have had more than one div II opponent. thanks.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Hell, is Norfolk State even D2? They sound like a Pop Warner team. As only 47 people in the greater Jersey area care about Buttgers, how can the waiting list be 6,000 (and didn't you just say it was 10,000) long? Sounds about as real as the Toxic Avenger.

And seriously, someone who lives in/roots for a team from New Jersey mocking Pittsburgh? That's rich. The entire state of New Jersey has a cloud that hangs over it 24 hours a day. A cloud made up of other states' trash, hypodermic needles, and John Corzine's flatulence. The entire United States is embarassed that New Jersey is in the union. You should try seceding, no one would even care.

Anonymous said...

forbes, ranking the greenest states, last month. based on atmosphere and government policies. nj is at 7, pennsylvania is at 32. why don't you try backing up your asinine statements with some facts?

the waiting list was at 6000 BEFORE the 2007 season even started. if you had read a single word out of the links i posted for you, you would have seen that. that means another ~4000 people have joined it SINCE AUGUST ALONE.

Anonymous said...

also, norfolk state is ranked second in their conference, with us being their only non-conference loss. and i'm sure you are making fans of them as well by berating their program.

but why don't you just go ahead and say something else about rutgers or nj, instead of responding to a single thing i wrote on here? by now, that's what everyone is expecting.

if it only takes 42 people's support to light the empire state building their color, why don't you get your momma and her baby daddies together to light it piss yellow for your school?

Paul Rhoads' Pogo Ball said...

Ahh Rutgers. I used to feel sorry for you guys. I felt bad when West Virginia beat you 70-7 in 2001. I felt bad for you when you lost your home opener in 2002 to D1-aa Villanova, with Nova players telling the media afterwords, "we could have beaten them even worse if we wanted to."

Who would have known that you all would become such an insufferable bunch of fuckers when you did start winning? If Pitt's been in such a "decline" over the past five years, why have we been to five bowls this decade to your two? Why have we won a Big East title and played in the Fiesta Bowl while you're still gloating over the Texas Bowl?

Win a conference title or make a damn new years day bowl before you demand we anoint you. In the meantime, nice win over Cincinnati at home. Ohh thats right, mouth breather Schiano lost to Cincinnati. We were the ones that beat them.

Anonymous said...

Ah, right. That appearance in the Fiesta Bowl. What was the score? 35-7? One of the teams didn't score until the third quarter and one team was from the Mountain West ... which team was which? That was almost three years ago, right? How many bowls since then?

The 2005 Fiesta is nothing to brag about if your school wears gold.

River_City_Rivalry_Champs said...

If Rutgers wasn't so close to NYC, would anyone still care? Most overrated, overblown program in America and it's all thanks to being a stone's throw from New York.

Wow, 6-4 and you have a good chance of finishing 6-6. Here's the difference between Pitt and Rutgers. You people are thrilled to be where you are whereas that's not good enough for us. You have a 6,000-person waiting list for a .500 team. Congrats. Expectations are THAT low for your program. Your fans are that easily impressed. Of course, when you're surrounded by other shitty football options - Jets, Giants, Eagles - it's a lot easier to impress people.

Christ, your school's proudest achievement is still a fictional gangster. Our 9 national titles place a distant second to curing polio.

zerp said...

"Funny, you putting down Rutgers (Buttgers? What are you, 10 years old?) and New Jersey, when you root for a school in Shitsburgh, the asscrack of America."

Does anyone else find it funny that this slap whines about "Buttgers" then uses "Shitsburgh" in the same sentence? At least he remembered the "h" at the end. Mazel Tov.

Anonymous said...

rutgers and pitt are both ranked the same. while i consider it an insult to rutgers, it should at least remind you that you are no ivy league school. while rutgers, the public ivy, is.

and way to start bringing up academic achievements on a "football" blog. too bad you can't compete with rutgers in that arena either, since rutgers researchers not only discovered the first successful treatments for tuberculosis, pnuemonic/bubonic plague, and typhoid, but we discovered and coined the term antibiotic and have isolated dozens of them.

and all that predates your jonas salk and his polio vaccine. without us your "invention" probably wouldn't have happened.

no one demanded you anoint us anything. remember, YOU are the ones writing about US. writing complete bullshit at that. and before you go touting your conference victory, take a look at what state the conference was in. are you debating that it was a stronger conference then, than it was last year when we tied for second place? tied for second place and beat the conference champ head to head?

what was pitt doing last year? and the year before that? and how is your quarterback situation? do you guys have any lineman? get ready to be fucked up come saturday. even our shitty team (compared to last year) is light years ahead of you.

River_City_Rivalry_Champs said...

"what was pitt doing last year? and the year before that?"

First of all, you're starting into a losing battle. We may be in a spurt of a few down years, but keep in mind we went to more bowl games between 200-04 than your pathetic program has in its entire existence. Hell, we've won more national championships than you have gone to bowl games. So, if I were you attempting to win a debate, I'd stay as far away from history and tradition as possible. You may have had a pretty good team last year but your tradition doesn't even approach mediocrity.

"and how is your quarterback situation?"

We have something Rutgers doesn't - a clear-cut starter. Who's starting for you guys this weekend? I would further say that this true freshman is already better than anyone on your roster ... and he was our #3 QB to start the season. Your program is on its way back to its rightful place.

"do you guys have any lineman?"

Uhm ... let's see, we have the leading freshman rusher in the nation and even our highly immobile QB has barely been sacked. Our starting left tackle is a late first round/early second round prospect. Our right tackle will be a second-day selection. We're young at the guard position. Center is our weakest link. But I think if you look at the numbers there are reasons to believe our OL is every bit as good as yours.

Here's the best part, after we roll out of Piscataway with a win on Saturday, your "great" program will have as many losses as us on the season and will be behind us in the conference standings. Wow, considering your opinion of us, won't that be embarrassing?

Jim Rome said...

Why is New Jersey still a state?
It should be cut in half at Trenton and annexed. New York gets the top half. PA gets the bottom half. Essentially, North Jersey rides NYC's coattails, while South Jersey sponges off of Philly.


Buggsy said...

You guys are Shitsburgh. You're never going to be in the spotlight. Your program is as bleak as your city.

Keep living in the past. Unlike Rutgers, you hav NO future whatsoever. That is why you need to talk about national championships when all but one happened before 1937 (when there were less then half the 120 schools playing at the highest level of college football)...and your only recent one in modern times was more than 30 years ago.

Your like a washed up actor. It's painful to see how decrepit and irrelevant you've become. And in the ugliest cityin the world to boot. God must not be a fan of Armpittsburgh either.

zerp said...

Buggsy, you're a tard. In your eyes, Buttgers is childish, but Shitsburgh is cool. great logic there. You're mom should have put the crack pipe down prior to the third trimester.

Anonymous said...

i cant wait to kick pitts ass on saturday...Which bowl is pitt projected to go to again this year? Just admit your like every other college football fans in the country that is just pissed that rutgers is here to stay...

Anonymous said...

You write like a four year old. You would be better off working at McD's. I seriously hope you didn't get your degree from Pitt. If so, you are a huge black eye on the university.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Buttgers, here to stay! Bwhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahhaha!

Buttgers hasn't been relevant since they played Princeton in the 19th century. Since then it has been nothing but bad football, bad basketball, bad hair, bad smells, and delusions .

Anonymous said...

Pitt will beat Buttgers on Saturday, and the Steelers will ass rape the Jizzets on Sunday. It'll be a great weekend to destroy the cesspool which is known as New Jersey. You guys have to wait until springtime to see the Yankees play to see your real sports superstars.

Buttgers is the reigning national champions in smack talk though....why don't you go denegrate the Navy some more? Classless fucks.

Demntion7 said...

To answer your question about why Greg Schiano runs Rice so many times a game, I direct your attention to the 48 second mark of this video.

Also, you really have the stones to call a NCAA University "Buttgers" and make jokes about people being in Junior high?

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

I'm confused....Ray Rice being caught from behind by a guy without the angle proves Greg Schiano is smart to run him 97 times per game?

Anonymous said...

"I don't even know why I'm on here talking to someone that seriously goes to sPitt. You guys have sucked for a long time, and you will suck for a long time. Even State Penn and JoePa is a more worthy opponent than Pornstache and his band of merry losers."

Pitt has sucked for a long time? Well, that's true, but what has Buttgers done outside of last year...uh....EVER?

And don't be silly...UPS would never play Buttgers...they strictly play the bottom 3 teams in Division One OOC every year!

River_City_Rivalry_Champs said...

Rutgers "fans" are cute. 18 months ago they were all Notre Dame fans.

And I love them talking about going to a bowl game like it's some forgone conclusion. I'm praying they lose to Louisville after the best running back in the Big East runs them over this weekend.

Christ, you people have no idea how to handle a taste of success. To think, "yous guys" used to be loveable losers. When your program finally hits rock bottom again (read: next year) it's going to be fun watching the real fans (all four of you) suffer again while the others find someone else to cheer for given what's happened to Notre Dame.

the man said...

this guy is a complete asshole, he's been on the pipe way to long.too bad a once proud program like pitt has turned into a doormat

River_City_Rivalry_Champs said...

a doormat that's ahead of Rutgers in the conference standings, eh? What's that make the mediocre knights.

vito said...

Fuck Rutgers, your a bunch of half ass dago wanabe's

Anonymous said...

I've been to Pittsburgh. Never again will I go there. Its a boring, has-been city. People may mock NJ, but that's b/c so many live, work and visit the state for its huge economy and great assets. No one knows or really should care about Pennsylvania, and especially about Pittsburgh. If people did know about Pitt, it would get a LOT more negative attention as being waste-land, uninhibited, population-losing, pathetic economy of a little town... and talk about UGLY CHICs. Pittsburgh has the market on obese white trash trailer hos.

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

"Pittsburgh has the market on obese white trash trailer hos."

Says the guy from bridge and tunnel trash land. Go listen to some Bon Jovi, you hungry bottom.

Anonymous said...

I laugh at all you pitt fans that really think your going to win this game... and did one you really say you have the best running back in the confrence???? If your going to talk trash at least make some sense and dont act like a tool... I cant wait to kick your guys asses out of jersey on sat and back to your boring ass state..

Anonymous said...

yes, nj is really exciting. I cant wait to go out and get some pizza with rat crap all over it and become a victim of a random crime each and every weekend. Sounds exciting. I hope James Gandolphi dies

Anonymous said...

You pitt fans are like 7 year olds... less then 24 hours until we get the W... cant wait to come on this site after...

In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff said...

Please keep your vestigial penis away from our site.