Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Heinz Field - Pantherrants apologizes for the delay in getting yinz the recap of this game. The excitement was so high during this mega-event that it put us into a 3 day long coma. First off, the game started at noon. Despite years of garbage attendance for any game prior to 3:30, Pitt's AD continues to shove noon starts down our throats. But enough of that; we'll move on to the actual game.
Let's start with the offenses. Both teams attempted to do nothing, to be as boring as humanly possible, and to run nothing that would result in a gain of longer than 2.5 yards. The defenses performed equally admirably. Neither side had any use for attempting an interception or forcing a fumble. This was all in the first quarter.
Mid 2nd quarter, Pantherrants folk had in-depth discussion about this being the most brutal contest in history. This epic battle between perennial bottom-feeders couldn't even be compared to a WAC contest; hell, at least they fling the ball all over the field.
After the half, the 29 fans in attendance let out a raucus, "zzzzzzz....." All over the stadium, fans began ironing out their plans to venture to the Cricket Lounge. In an effort to boost fan interest, Pitt's fat-ass dance squad ventured on to the sideline to do a pointless gyration of cellulite and acne.
Finally, the fans came to life with less than 1 minute left in the game as Syracuse was driving to tie or win the game. The 25 fans in attendance actually got off their fat asses, clapped, and even shouted for a total of 10 seconds before SU quarterback, Dantley, bitched up their chance. Greg Robinson walked away a loser yet again. SU fans in attendance were heard saying, "He needs more time," in a classic display of cognitive dissonance. Kool-aid Pitt fans determined that this win was the sign that we've turned the corner and aren't as bad as we were 11 years ago.
And the Athletic Department wonders why they don't sell more tickets.