Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Zeise makes offensive statement. Tens of people sorta' pissed but not really.

As many of you know, Pitt beat writer Paul Zeise has come under some heat recently for comments that he made on the Number #1 Cochran KDKA Sports Showdown. Zeise said on the Showdown, or "Yinzervision" as we call it at Panther Rants, that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick would have been "better off raping a woman" than being accused of fighting dogs. The comments easily offended about seven of the show's 13 viewers.

If fact is, Zeise's comments were the proverbial tree that falls in a forest. No one heard it. No one saw it. No one started bitching until the Post-Gazette apologized for Zeise's comments. If you've never seen the show, envision ESPN's "Around The Horn" only much more Iron Cittied and Tank topped. Panther Rants was able to obtain an exclusive telepathic segment of the show, which were are generous enough to post below.

Bob Pompeani, "Well, not only is Steelers football less than a month away but so it college football. Guys, how do you see Pitt, Penn State and West Virginia doing this season."

Ron Cook, "I have the whinest sounding voice on the planet. Isn't it amazing that I can whine both out loud and in print? Anyways, I think that I'll be happy with Penn State early on, then about halfway through the season I'll retract everything and say that it's time for Joe to step down. Pitt? I'll find a way to tie this season's failures to Wlat Harris."

John Stegerwald, "Couldnt care less. Lets go Pens."

Paul Zeise, "Pitt people need to stop complaining about the product and come out and support the team. They're season ticket sales are pathetic this season. If they were real fans they'd show up regardless. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to trade my GM car in on a Toyota because the GM is a piece of junk."

Steigerwald "How can you people sit here and talk about football when we have explosive players like Sidney Crosby? Who cares..."

Ron Cook, "It's amazing how much Wlat screwed up Pitt. I mean, yeah, he hasn't been here for going on three seasons, but his mark on the program has yet to wear off. Oooh! I'll bet I can get another column out of this."

Zeise, "That's not the point, Ron. The point is these fans sit and cry about this team, Meanwhile, they don't even show up when they are winning. I mean, look at the turnout that they had for the Fiesta Bowl."

Cook, "That Fiesta Bowl was all Wlat. People wanted nothing to do with that bowl game because they had already written these team off because of Harris. Damn, do I sound like I have a fireplug showed up my nose."

Steigerwald, "I'm not following a damn word that any of you are saying. What's this 'Fiesta bowl?' Unless it's a buncha Mexicans playing hockey, I don't care."

Cook, "Speaking of Mexicans, I look for big things out of Rich Rodriguez and the Mountaineers this year. That team is absolutely loaded with talent. Unlike Wlat, RichRod knows how to recruit."

Zeise, "Rodriguez isn't Mexican, Ron."

Cook, "You know me and research. Totally ruins the flow."

Zeise, "Maybe the recruiting would improve if the fans would show up to the games and give Pitt a real atmosphere at games."

Steigerwald, "You want a real atmosphere? I'll give you a real atmosphere. A hockey night in Pittsburgh at the Igloo. Now THAT is a rockin' place. Why I'll..."

Cook, "Speakin of Igloos, ever notice I look like one of these guys on Ice Road Truckers with the graying-assed beard that I have? Fat, balding and graying. Christ, I look like a middle-aged werewolf."

Beano Cook, "The University of Northern Idaho Werewolfs played Army in 1936. Back then, Army was coached by Red Blaik, and he couldn't get a scouting report on Northern Idaho. So he called a sportswriter that used to work at the old Boise Morning Wood and..."

The Panel, "Where the hell did you come from? You're not on this panel."

Beano, "(pause) I have no idea."

Zeise, "All I'm saying is that, if Pitt fans really want a big time program, they need to start showing that they care by showing up at games."

Cook, "All I'm saying is.........Christ, I have no idea what I'm saying anymore."

Steigerwald, "daaaadaaaaadadada....HEY! dadadada...."

Pompeani, "We have to go to a commercial. Coming up next: more Steelers overkill."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awesome story - love Steigerwald's cheer