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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Wannstedt, "On to Plan B!"

PITTSBURGH (PR) -- Shortly after delivering the news to the Pitt football team that wide receiver Derek Kinder was lost for the season, head coach Dave Wannstedt started working on his backup plan.

Kinder, a senior who led the team in receptions and receiving yards in 2006, was lost for the season with a torn ACL. Wannstedt, however, said in a telepathic interview that he's already fingered Kinder's perfect replacement: ex-Cincinnati Bengals star Ickey Woods. Wannstedt said that he plans on converting the former running back to wide receiver as soon as he gets to camp. Woods rushed for 1066 yards in his rookie year in the NFL before being overcome by injuries.

"I called today and left a message with Ickey," Wannstedt said. "Back when Jimmy and I were with the Cowboys this kid absolutely killed us in a game once. He's a free agent now so we should have no problem getting him to sign."

Not only is he a free agent, he's also 41 years old and his NCAA elgibility ran out when he left UNLV for the NFL draft in 1988.

"Dude, this can't be legal," said a source in the athletic department who spoke telepathically on the condition of anonymity. "First of all, the guy hasn't played college football in almost 20 years. Secondly, just how in th hell are we gonna' get him academically eligible in two weeks? Lastly, he's 41 years old for crissakes."

However, Wannstedt isn't concerned.

"Woods graduated which meant he was academically eligible the last time he played. I'm sure there's a loophole in there somewhere that we can utilize," Wannstedt said.

Wannstedt then cut the interview short, claiming that he needed to rummage through his Trapper Keeper and find a phone number for Jim McMahon "just in case."

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