Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The No New Year's Day Bowl Zone

Welcome to the Mediocre Athletics Factor for this Monday, August 27th, 2007. I'm your host, and I'm always in my seat 90 minutes before kickoff, even for Pitt-Marist. We're less than one week from opening day for Pitt Football, the 2007 edition, and anticipation is dripping like Kobe Tai after an encounter with Peter North. Luckily, we haven't seen any genius marketing strategies like 'Strike Force' or 'Back to the Future' or 'Electric Boogaloo' associated with the coming season. However, let us not put it past the Pitt Athletic Department to do something stupid. There is still plenty of time for the AD to move the Eastern Michigan game to Sunday at 4, to miss all the church traffic and grab that coveted 56-year old nun demographic. Today's Wlatting Points Memo deals with expectations for the coming season. Pitt plays one of its most abysmal home schedules in years, likely since the 1923 season, when perennial powerhouse Carneige Mellon was the lone bright spot on a schedule that included The University of Rochester Iron Lungs and the State University of New Jersey Battlin' Hoboes. Naturally, such an abysmal schedule would elicit a feeling of hope that Dave Wannstedt and the Pitt Panthers could cross .500 for the first time since 2004. However, with a new QB, an entirely new LB corps, and no Darelle Revis, who knows what this year may bring. We here at the factor will give it to you without spin, like we always do. Expect a 7-5 season, with an upset win over Connecticut, and a close shave with Grambling State, who only fall after their band is bested in a 'West Side Story' type showdown with our very own Bnadie and the Pitt Panther Marching Band.

We'll be here every Monday throughout the season, to break down last week's game and to look forward to next week's opponent. So keep it tuned to Panther Rants, your source for hard-hitting Panthers coverage. And remember, hope stops here, cause we're looking out for you. And Wlat.


Yeti said...

What logo do I wear to the game? I can't keep track.

Maybe the really ugly mustard shirt with the gay-blue script Pitt from Majors Part Deux.

Anonymous said...

If you ain't script, you ain't poop.