Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Kingston, Jamaica - Pantherrants has learned that former Pitt and Stanford Head Football Coach, Wlat Harris, has been seen in Jamaica. Many thanks go out to former Pitt great, Mark Stepnoski, for the photo and information provided. The Panther and NFL great commented. "I'm down there just browsing, checking out the newest skunk they've got. I was enjoying a fatty right after the storm and who do I see? I thought it may be Wlat and when I saw him with his arms around some cheap skanks, I knew it was our boy. Man, does that guy like cheap poon; almost as much as I like a good one-hitter."

Unfortunately, Wlat was not available for comment. Stepnoksi filled us in. "Of course, I ran over and asked him what he was doing. Coach said he hitched a ride with some loose hippy bitches from San Fran, using the old "sensitive guy willing to help out routine." Swears he scored on the flight down here; he even forced me to sniff his fingers for proof. So he throws on some Red Cross gear and starts hunting, as he says, 'snapper.' He convinced me to come with him for awhile but it's hard to keep up with someone as committed as Coach. Wlat says a natural disaster is the biggest aphrodesiac he has ever found. 'Fish in a barrel,' he kept saying."

Many thanks to Mark for his update. As with all Wlatspotting contributors, Mark will receive 2 lbs. of chip-chawped ham, a copy of Skynyrd's Greatest Hits, and a "Where's Wlat?" t-shirt.

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