Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Superman Invited to Pitt Camp; Thrown Out

South Side - Pitt Strength and Conditioning Coach, Buddy Morris, invited his long-time client to camp today. Superman was to be Coach Morris' special guest.

"Superman got here and we had a planned agenda to discuss motivation, training techniques, and committment," Morris commented. He continued, "I'd not seen the Man of Steel for quite some time and he didn't live up to expectations."

Morris commented that Superman had gone soft. He stated that tall buildings are much higher than in previous generations and today's bullet trains move much faster than old-time locomotives. "Frankly, Superman has stayed the same while the world has changed. Do I ask Dorin Dickerson to meet the standards of players from the 50's? No - he must rise above. I don't know if Superman still has that Lane pussy on his brain or he just became a pussy. Hell, I clocked him as he rounded the Earth going back in time and his last lap was his slowest. This is a guy that gets weaker down the stretch."

Pitt players expressed disappointment. "We were hyped to see that guy with his underwear on the outside," stated wide receiver Oderick Turner. "We also wanted to see if we could mess up his hair - mufuquer got some of that Jimmy Johnson super mousse or summin'."

Freshman corner, Buddy Jackson, further elaborated. "You'd think a guy that is constantly battling Lex Luthor and saving the world would be more professional. When I was recruited, I was told I'd be training with the best, with heroes, ya know. And what do I get? A fat old slob sporting a mullet. We didn't even get to see him fly in. Pretty sure he drove in with a '83 IROC blaring Rush. That shit is whack."

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