Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

WVU Update


Morgantown - Pantherrants ventured to Morgantown today to check up on our Big East Conference rival. The campus was buzzing with the excitment of freshman phenom, Noel Devine. The Floridian gave WVU a late committment but he's been welcomed with open arms. "We're looking for Noel to take us to the next level," stated a recent WVU transfer. "His high school achievements were awesome and we're looking forward to watching him grow his career. But what I really like about him is his loyalty; I like people that finish what they start no matter the obstacles and Noel does that on the field and in the classroom."

No one was more excited than the chair of the Psychology Department, Dr. Michael Perone. "Noel comes to us as a highly decorated academic. He's done more complex studies of human behavior than many graduate students. We're truly lucky to have someone with resume on campus." Dr. Perone continued, "Mr. Devine has been doing a long-term study on the mating and reproductive habits of adolescent females in Florida. It's the first longitudinal study of it's kind that I know of and the results have given us great insight. We can't wait to see what he does next."

Besides being a great student/researcher and athlete, Mr. Devine is also described as a good community member. "He's helping out all over campus," stated freshman Jenny Daniels. "I saw him help some freshman girls move into their dorms over the weekend. They closed the door to do some decorating after he moved a big barrel in; it was a weird piece of furniture but he said it was 'fun.'"

Campus security guard, Mitchel Connors, even described Noel's good works. "There was this freshman girl crying. She was upset because she was away from home for the first time. Noel consoled her; even went so far as to sleep in her room with her to make her feel safe. He's a real nice guy."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't make fun of me again, or I'll tell my shrink I'll do bad things to myself.

Dick Vermeil said...

I wouldn't disagree with it...I wouldn't disagree with it

Anonymous said...

You guys are poop. If WVU doesn't win the NC this year, my Dad will allow me to go to USC next year. I will attend a school that wins a NC before I graduate. Texas and Florida are also future options for grad school.

dick vermeil said...

brilliant...not just great, brilliant