Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Barlow moves on

The last time Panther Rants spoke with former star Pitt running back Kevin Barlow, he had just inked a deal with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Earlier this week, Barlow was released by the team ... or was he? Panther Rants again caught up with Barlow via the staff's telepathic powers to find out just what happened to this Pittsburgh native's hopes to play for his hometown team.

PR: Kevin, it's always a pleasure. But it's some sad circumstances that bring us back to meeting today. It has to be tough to be cut by the team you grew up loving.

KB: Cut? You think I was cut? You think I'm not better than that closet-shittin' freak Najeh Davenport? You think I'm not better than Verron "I have no skills whatsoever" Haynes?

PR: ...

KB: C'mon, man, you know what happened. We discussed this last time we spoke.

PR: Does it have anything to do with coach Harris moving back to Pittsburgh?

KB: What the fuck do you think? Seriously, what is that lisping asshole's issue? He could have moved anywhere on the east coast to be closer to his kids and neglect his sickly mother on the west coast. Why the fuck pick Pittsburgh?

PR: It is one of the country's most liv...
KB: I'll tell you exactly ... it's the exact same fucking thing I have been telling people since I sign my letter of intent. That motherfucker is out to get me. Everywhere I go, he follows. I go to the 49ers, he goes to Stanford. I come back to Pittsburgh, that motherfucker shows up here again. And seriously, that takes some balls because there are some boosters round here that want to slap the lisp out of that motherfucker's mouth. Hittin it with their nasty old ladies. What the fuck is wrong with that midget?

PR: We're not really sure, Kevin.

KB: But, yeah, that's why I got "cut." I went to the Rooney's and told them I had to get out of town. I told them I needed to have someone watching me at all times so I didn't lose my mind and kill that motherfucker. I told them I had to get away from that quick-kickin son of a bitch. They understood and they even helped me out by getting me some extra PT in the last preseason game - a chance to audition for some other clubs.

PR: Well, Kevin, we understand, too, but we hate to see you go.

KB: My motherfuckin hometown, man! Why?

PR: Hopefully, some day, we'll get an answer. Best of luck, Kevin, and keep in touch.

KB: God bless.

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